I feel so much guilt for lying to my partner. How do I tell him I lied?

[wheresamy]

I know I’m probably going to get some nasty comments here, and honestly I can’t blame anyone if they do.

I’m 31 now, but back in my early 20s, I had unprotected sex with someone who gave me HPV. I ended up with genital warts, had them removed, and had one flare up a year later, but since then it’s been clear for at least 7-8 years. I haven’t had sex in over 5 years, so I haven’t had to discuss this with anyone.

Recently, I had a smear test, and they found HPV in my sample so I need to go back for another test in 12 months. About two weeks later, I met my current boyfriend, and I didn’t tell him. I didn’t mention it because HPV is so common, and I haven’t had a flare up in a long time. It’s been weighing on me though. I’ve felt so guilty, so I decided to tell him today. I didn’t mention the warts, just talked about the recent smear test. He asked if I knew about it before we met, and I lied and said no. He was so lovely about it, saying it was okay, that I couldn’t have known and it was just a freak accident. He even said he wouldn’t mind if he got it since it’s very common, but still, I lied.

I feel awful with guilt, and I’m not sure how to move forward knowing I’ve lied. I’m head over heels in love with this man, and I know he might leave me if I tell him the truth, but I’m not sure I can keep going like this. I don’t think he will ever trust or look at me the same way again if I tell him. I’m so angry at myself.

Just forget it.

Thank you for replying. Isn't it terrible that I lied about it? I feel like it's a bit of a grey area regarding the warts since it happened so long ago, but I was aware that the HPV infection was active because I received the letter 2 weeks before meeting him. This is what makes me feel so guilty. I should have told him before we had sex so he could decide for himself. I honestly believe he would have stayed with me even if I had been honest. Now, I think he might leave because I lied.

You have two options

1. Tell him the full truth now. Explain why you didn't tell him the truth at the time. Risk the consequences. If he stays, you feel lighter.

2. Say nothing. What is to be gained from telling him now? You'd only be telling him to assuage your conscience. He doesn't benefit from knowing you lied. How do you/he know he didn't have it before meeting you?

I think he’ll leave you if you tell him.
However did he not use a condom?
If not he didjt really take steps to protect himself so that’s on him. Men don’t get tested for HPV so it’s highly likely he could have it too. Not all strains have symptoms.

Let it go. Chances are he may have the virus too as it's pretty common and people are unaware.

Why when you knew you had an active HPV infection wouldn’t you have insisted on condoms? Even if you didn’t tell him you should have protected him and not let him go down on you until you had the all clear. He can get throat cancer if you let him give you oral. Your actions are very selfish and risked his health. I wouldn’t stay with someone who did that to me.

I agree with this - you were reckless and dishonest. It’s not fair to have been selfish . Yes it’s common but that’s not the point at all.

I do t think you have any justification for having lied

I think you need to tell him. I wouldn't be too happy with this if im completely honest.

I’ve sent you a PM @wheresamy

What do you want to do - alleviate your guilt and probably ruin the relationship, or say nothing and put it to the back of your mind.

It's not like you've lied about having been in prison, is it?