Have you ever thought, why did I marry into this family?

[GoldenGirl85]

I wondered how many of you have thought ‘why did I marry into this family/ what have I gotten myself into’?

I’m a newlywed and despairing every month at the family that I’ve married into. Not to be stereotypical but It’s a very women heavy family, (opposite to mine) so I thought it was going to give me the motherly/sisterly atmosphere I longed for however, my in-laws are a nightmare.

They gossip, lie, scheme, steal, manipulate, fight (yes, physical fighting included) and have a bizarre attachment/dependance on my husband. They are also fraught with financial and marital issues.

I’ve never experienced anything like this. In the beginning I was able to watch from afar but their behaviour has and is negatively impacting my marriage.

Please don’t ask whether I didn’t know about them before we got married, it’s really not a helpful comment.

misery loves company, so is anyone in the same situation and can share some advice of what they did about it?

The best way to deal with this is to detach.

Dont bitch ever - they find someone else to do that with.

Avoid going round - if your DH wants to talk - just say you aren’t interested - he can find someone else too.

Yes,13 years ago.Got married,pretences fell.

No longer a part of said family and only see my sons' father for their sake.

DH is the one who married into my crazy family. It works because I acknowledge the crazy and try to keep it from ruining my life, without just fully walking away. DH provides emotional support when I need it, but he never has to deal with any family drama directly. If we are visiting and people misbehave, we leave.

No, because it never occurred to me that I was 'marrying into a family'. I just married a man.

His family are kind of background noise as far as I'm concerned. Ditto mine for him.

Yes, every day!. I just concentrate on the good relationships I have with family and friends and try to make them as enjoyable as possible. It helps to counter the negative issues with my in laws. I can control those things but I can’t control their behaviour.
make your own plans so you’re often busy at time when they want to socialise is another strategy of mine.

It is really hard though and quality of marriage can suffer. There is a book about toxic in laws and it can make you feel less alone. I’m

Yes I do sadly . I love my husband but his very passive aggressive mother and sister are a drain on my life . I have tried so hard to make them
like me which is quite ridiculous I know . I just give up now. I can’t change them and have recently been keeping my distance . It’s taken me 22 years to finally say enough is enough

Yep, absolutely. And sadly it broke the marriage down.

Fortunately the family I married into all lived 120 miles away so I was able to avoid most of them. Had I lived in that town I doubt that we would have got married.

Yes, I think some change when you get married or have children together. The real crazy comes out. I had learned to detach and avoid as I don’t want to be involved in their nonsense. I will be pleasant when I see them but not get involved in the bitching and drama.

Move away.