Ridiculous things your partners/exes have said

[EmiliaBassano]

I was thinking about this as I saw my ex at the weekend (accidentally that is). When I first knew him I was in a different relationship and so was he and he was friends with my then partner. We got together about 3 years after both relationships ended.

In the relationship I was in at the time I was unhappy, and eventually I ended it, but not before I had done a stupid thing to try and take the edge off it. My partner called me hamster chops and asked me to call him a silly nickname, which I did because it made things bearable! (Looking at that written down I see how mad it looks). He called me Hammy in public and I started answering to it and things like that.

When I knew my most recent ex through my then partner I was working in banking. Not the hedge fund or megabucks kind just a city branch. He wanted to buy a rather expensive car and came to see me for a loan and I organised it for him.

When we got together he said "Lucy [his ex] and I always thought you were a stupid airhead because of the hamster stuff but when you organised the bank loan for me I realised you were ok and quite intelligent." (note the quite!)

I have a 2:1 degree, a PGCE, an MSc, a senior fellowship and a PhD. They have a collection of 2:2s, 3rd and unclassified degrees, PGCEs and the ex has a CertEd. When I completed my PGCE my first ex said "You will soon be as intelligent as me." (He was the one with the CertEd and an unclassified degree).
I know there is nothing wrong with a 2:2 really.

I laughed my knickers off when I was reminded of it when I saw him in the supermarket. Misogynistic twonks.

Any more examples?

One of my first boyfriends said "women aren't funny" when about half an hour earlier he'd just been laughing out loud watching a female comedian on tv doing stand up. I pointed this out and he said "okay, she told one funny joke...".

Same boyfriend would drone on about his car and I'd patiently listen and pretend to be interested. Never asked me anything back about my hobbies but one day he started comparing his interest in cars to my interest in shoes. Except, I had no interest in shoes. I'd never once talked about shoes. I had heaps of hobbies but none involved shoes...

My very much ex said 'why don't you take up smoking? You'd lose weight!'. He was ABSOLUTELY serious. I can think of a quicker way to lose some excess weight, chum.

This made me laugh, and remember an ex who had a real chip on his shoulder that he'd not continued his education beyond 'O' levels. I have an BSc 2:1 so nothing overly impressive but it irked him a lot that I had a degree and he didn't. I also have a ridiculously retentive memory for useless information so am good at general knowledge board games / quizzes etc.

Because I knew of his chip and because winning a game is really not important to me, I'd usually lose on purpose. Until one time with his buddies playing Trivial Pursuit when I purposely answered a simple question wrong to be told 'See, no need to go to Uni, if you come out that thick' which was met with lots of sniggering at me from his twatty mates.

From that moment on I answered every question correctly and wiped the floor with the stupid lot of them. I cannot image why that relationship didn't last 😂

My ex used to call me “little Miss Law degree” and take the piss out of me trying to qualify as a solicitor, he actively discouraged me. I have never spoken to him since I left him over ten years ago but I hope he knows that I’m qualified and successful now. He’s still doing exactly the same.

Haha. ExH made a few blinders including “biggest cock you’ll ever have” (first lover I’d had and since separating let me tell you it was the smallest) “this is what all men want to do” (coercive manipulation into having rough painful sex when I really didn’t want to) “best sex you’ll ever have and no one will treat you as well as me” (he was actually abusive and the sex was awful - no wonder I wasn’t keen).

few overs had after that were the polar opposite and so caring and wonderful. Apart from the one who thought no meant yes.

I don’t have very good taste in men. But so far my most recent beau whom I’ve know over two years, haven’t slept with yet, and don’t see very often, but we gel well and I have high hopes.

Ah yes… exH always used to say “I was going to be a barrister you know” (I work in law) but used to fail to mention the shit a level results which meant he’d never have even managed a law degree let alone get into uni. Never once said well done when I was studying and being in up our child as well as working 60 hrs a week.

"Your driving seems to be improving" (from a man who fell asleep driving on a motorway in Ireland)
"I wish you'd have your hair like Kerry from work"
(who got married and then started shagging the boss)
"You'll never find anyone like me" (true and hallelujah for that)
"Why don't you cook like my mum?" (Who's retired and has tons more time)
"Your guy friends are all saddos" (implying I'm no good at choosing friends)
"They only want to get in your knickers anyway" (see above)

Just a very short taster ........

My ex (and his father) used to ask me when I was going to give up my silly little job, settle down and be a proper wife.
Reader, that silly little job was senior leadership in a school and they put me through my masters degree too. Since leaving him behind, I've moved to work in a university and acquired a PhD.
If I could bump into him, just once, for the pure satisfaction of saying 'It's Dr actually...' it would be a very rewarding moment.

One of my exes told me that his sister thought I dressed like a little girl and I should dress more like her. I suggested if he preferred the way his sister dressed maybe he should date his sister instead.

Another one said, "I need to feel like you are on my team." I said, "Are you on my team?" and he said, "I am only on my team."

That's before I get started on the 36 yo man who proposed to me and then a few weeks later said he wasn't ready for a relationship.