Having 2 men is better than 1

[everythingblows]

I’m going through a situation, explained below. I don’t think my emotions would be so high if I had another man to have fun with. It makes perfect sense especially for me.

I’ve recently struck up a friendship with a guy, we would message constantly, laugh and just enjoy each other’s company. Well I’ve stupidly gone and fallen for him where my whole day is just spent on thinking about him, wondering when he’ll message me. And I’m overthinking everything, like am I coming on too strong BECAUSE he’s now backed off massively from me. I’ll flirt with him and he ignores it and starts another conversation. I know he’s not feeling it. He’ll leave my messages unread for hours now, and he’s got every excuse in the book as to why he hasn’t messaged. He’s such a nice, genuine guy that’s why I feel like he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings so he’s doing the slow fade.
i can see his face dropping everytime he sees a message from me pop up.

You’re allowed to have more than one man as long as they both know they’re not in an exclusive relationship with you.

Going forward in regards to relationships and to protect my emotions I’ll definitely go down this route , just to give it a try and see how it goes.

I once had 3 fwb on the go.
Fun times.
I only do bed not dates or relationships it works for me.
I love being single and doing what i like no commitments or strings attached.

Well, yes, but it sounds as though your current issue is that you have way too much time on your hands and/or that you started a friendship, and it changed on your side to romantic/sexual attraction but not on his, so now it's not working for either of us. This wouldn't have been prevented if you had ten other guys on the go, and I don't think that having someone else on the side to prevent you from coming on too strong to a male friend is actually that advisable or workable as a general future tactic.

@Avoidhumans
thats amazing! I want that!
I can imagine how much fun you’re having

But you haven’t got one man, so I’m not following why this is about having two. And it’s not that easy to transfer feelings to someone else. By all means date some guys and that might well help you move on from this one, but it doesn’t sound like a situation where you’d actively be in a relationship with two guys including this one.

Hate to say it, but it doesn't sound like he's interested. Sorry.

@TranceNation
no he’s clearly not, which I know but it doesn’t half hurt. This is where another guy should come along so I can forget about him and have fun

But that's having one guy. I think the title/take on this situation is strange and situation is more how to deal with unrequited feelings for a male friend - although I'd question how much of a real friend he is and whether you can draw a line and move on from him. Not necessarily to a new man but whatever you please to distract yourself while the hurt lessens and the feelings go away.

To get over one, get under another.

I think I’m more looking into the future. Knowing that even if I don’t want to catch feelings it’s something one can’t control at times.
i feel I’ll be better equipped emotionally

And if that guy develops feelings for you, but as far as you're concerned, he's just some temporary sex toy to help you get past the original guy?

Wouldn't it just be easier to acknowledge that sometimes we're attracted to people who aren't attracted to us?

It sounds like you don't "have" the first guy. Are you dating him or is this a friendship where you want to pursue him romantically and he's not interested?

Date around. No use chasing a guy that isn't excited to hear from you and take you out and do all sorts of fun stuff with you.

He’s keeping me firmly in the friends category, he’s one of those guys that is just genuinely nice and respectful, coupled with his banter and looks.

that’s what I’m thinking, dating around but 2 guys at a time so I dont have these unwanted feelings again.

But what on earth makes you think that dating two men at once will act as a sort of magical prophylactic against developing feelings for either?

dating around but 2 guys at a time so I dont have these unwanted feelings again.

You could date a dozen guys and still fall hard for one. It doesn't get diluted like that,

Having been a multiple dater, it stops the rumination over one person dead. She could sit home thinking about the guy who only wants to be her friend and make that neural pathway her go to and start obsessing or, she can get out and have dates and some fun. Try new foods, go places, go to a local street party or fair, an art show, and have some new experiences and fun. She could develop feelings for multiple guys. Nothing wrong with that.

Thank you!
you explained it so much better than me. 😊

Since it's Summer, if someone asks you on a date, see what outdoor sports they like and go see a game or participate in an activity, weather permitting.

It's fun and being present in the moment is a good thing. It really does help with the ruminating over a friend.

Enjoy!

@outerspacepotato
That’s a really good idea. One I’ll keep in mind. Might just do something like that with friends to see if it takes my mind off him.
he still yet to read one of my messages so I stupidly keep going into WhatsApp to check for the blue ticks

I second this. Keep going until you find explosive sex. Trust me, it’s there and you’ll have fun finding it.

This is very much pointing towards a bit of an anxious attachment style and needing the validation of this guy to feel of value to some extent.

I say this with empathy as I’m on the long path of fixing my anxious attachment style.

Beyond this specific situation it would be really worthwhile to invest in understanding attachment styles and potentially some therapy - you don’t have to feel like this…

As for now, the best thing you can do is take all the energy you’ve been putting in to this situation and put it into making your life outside of men as amazing as possible.

Being totally honest I’d caution against the thinking that “more men” is the answer - it just feels like expanding further into propping up your self-worth via attention from men rather than addressing the underlying issues.

Well he finally replied, one sentence no questions asked to me. Normally I would ask him something BUT today I sent nothing! It’s so hard because all I want is him to be in touch. I’m going to keep busy tomorrow as I know I’ll end up messaging him if I’m not!