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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sexual assault from 10 years ago now coming out

1 reply

NewWasp · 13/08/2025 11:30

Hello,
From ages 14-18 I had a flirty relationship with an older man 25-30 he would send pictures, talk sexually etc and tried to get me to meet up with him, but i did not until I was 16 by my choice. It made me a bit uncomfortable, but i thought it was normal for 'adults'. Enjoyed the attention and affection i didnt get at home. He knew my family too. He was in a relationship with different women during this time. I cannot remember much due to suppressing it. I dont know why. Even now I feel like I 'owe' him. I knew after me he went with 16 year olds and continued to cheat through life.

Now 10 years later he is being charged with sexual assault as he slept with a 15 year old and that girl was much braver than me and told people, he was then arrested, bailed and now theyre gathering evidence. This is not known information, but was passed to me by one of his family members. Its since been on my mind as he said my word would 'mean a lot', but he was not asking me to talk to anyone.

Now I cannot get it out of my mind. The suppressed trauma. How over years he groomed me till he got what he wanted. How even though I told his girlfriend at the time, it made 0 difference in his life. Whereas even now im querying whether I should be doing this or not.

The police havent reached out to me directly to discuss this. But im debating whether to get in contact to tell my story. Or do I let sleeping dogs lie? I dont want the family member to get in trouble. But maybe it'll help me heal. I dont know. Its just in my head and I dont know whether to put myself through it for the sake of others or just let it be and forget I heard it.
What would you do?

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 13/08/2025 12:44

No one can tell you what to do but it might help to discuss this with a professional. The Survivor's Trust has a good helpline and can signpost to specialist services.

If it was me, I'd do everything in my power to get this predator away from children.

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