For backstory, we have been together since 2024, long distance, well not really, I met her online and we were best friends for quite some time, and then she said "I love you" out of the blue and a few days later she said she wanted to be my girlfriend. She asked me if I ever had a girlfriend before,I said no, and she told me she's my first love, and so I just accepted it. I never liked her in a romantic way in the first place, we were only friends, and then one night out of the blue she says "I love you". I didn't know what else to say so I just said it back, shrugged it off, and went to bed. A few days later it picked back up and we kinda acted like a couple for about a week, and then we made it official. She is my first girlfriend, and I am her first Boyfriend. We made a few rules, one of those being we would always be honest, and we would never follow someone of the opposite gender. That's important for later. A little bit after, she and her mother left Joburg to go live with her grandparents in Durban for a few months, meaning she would go back to attending her old school. It was okay for the most part for a while, but then stuff started to happen.
The first thing that happened was back in September 2024, my school just started, her school was still going on. So this guy in her school, he likes her and she liked him a long time ago. She told me she blocked him for me. Anyways, one day I'm stalking her reposts like I did every day, (she started it so I just did the same, it was cute seeing what she reposted about) but anyway I noticed her following was up by one. That wasn't usually something that happened, because her following had been the same for a while now, so obviously I got curious and decided to see. And guess who? It was the fucking guy. So I try to calm down, maybe it's not what I think. So I go and ask her if she still has him blocked, and she said yes and went to bed. That whole fucking night I did not eat, nor did i sleep. And when she woke up and I asked her about it, she made up some excuses that were obviously bullshit. She tried to pretend she didn't know it was him when she followed back, she even tried to convince me that when she blocks someone, they can still find her (no they can't). And so eventually I manage to get her to tell the truth, and it's that he asked her in school about why she blocked him, and she was scared that he would SA her. Now obviously, I'm not gonna have a problem with that, but why did she have to lie to me? She lied three times. But I understood, I apologized, and things were fine.
Next thing. This was about a month after. ANOTHER guy who also likes her, and whom she also used to like a long time ago, finds her contact and texts her about homework. Now this makes me a bit uncomfortable. So, as gently as possible, I say "Baby, after he's done asking you, would you take him off your phone?" And yeah, I don't want my girlfriend having dudes that like her on her phone. Anyways, she says sure. And after she's done, she says she blocked him and deleted him off her phone, and she shows me a screenshot with his name on a blocked list on snapchat. (This is important for later). I believe her, and we move on. Nothing happens for like 2 months. Then one morning in November, I wake up, get ready for school, and my phone vibrates, and I sprint go to talk to her. And that's when she tells me that she didn't actually block him, but he kept insisting to talk to her, so she had no choice but to keep him on her phone, because she was scared that he would SA her. Also it's important to mention that that had happened to her before. So again, I immediately apologize, because I'm not evil, and I try my best to move on. Also just to clarify, the problem here is not that she kept him on her phone, or that she unblocked that guy, it's the fact that she lied to me repeatedly. So please don't think I'm some asshole.
The next thing, while I didn't bother to talk about it with her, was that whenever I asked if she could get rid of a guy off her following, she would do it, but then two days later he would be right back in there. And I know it sounds like I'm controlling, but these are all dudes that liked her, I don't have a problem with random dudes. Anyway, this one I didn't even bring up because I already knew she would try to blame it on me.
Now in January, she moved back to Joburg, and she started attending a new school. It's also good to keep in mind that in January, my semester was about to end meaning I had exams, and I was failing english. So I was extremely stressed, so I couldn't be with her as much. This caused me even more stress, because I was scared she'd find someone new. But I talked to her about that and she reassured me. I forget about it and I move on. Now in this new school, there's another guy who likes her. And she constantly tells me she hates him, and I believe her like I always do. I even told her "Please don't hide stuff, if you catch feelings for someone please tell me" and she said she could never. Then a month later she comes and tells me "Oh yeah actually, I did like him because he made me laugh and gave me attention, and you were just so distant". By now its late February, and it's a new semester. Now I'm really in the shit. I have university level math, which I suck at, and I have co-op, meaning I would be away from her for about 3 hours every day. I was stressing really hard about co-op and I was trying to change courses, because once again, I was scared of her finding someone new. (I chose co-op before we were dating, so I didn't really consider her to be a factor). So when she told me this, I simply went offline and didn't talk until the next day. And she still tried to blame me.
Next event, she once mentioned this one other dude who she believed also liked her, and I didn't really care. But guess who I find in my "People you may know" With a caption that says "friends with [my girlfriend]"? It's him! But I decide to test her. I go and ask "who's this?" and show a screenshot. And she says "My cousin" and quickly deletes it. Now, I just snapped and I kinda went off on her about her always lying to me. I know it seems like im overreacting but I've been thru a lot before and for once in my life I really thought I found someone I could fully trust. It hurts really bad when you put every last bit of your trust in someone and they still break it. But then she tells me "but he's gay". Well that would've been nice to know, I have no problem with her having gay friends. So we move on.
Next: There's another guy who likes her (ill call him K) and he asks her out to prom, and she says no. But she also hugs him on her birthday, and a few more times without telling me. She also gets his number, and even tho I told her to block him multiple times, she always came forward and told me that she had unblocked him but then blocked him again. And one time, she sent him pictures of her cleavage, which I really don't even know what to say about. She told me a week later. She also had her first kiss with him, although she says that he grabbed her chin and just went for it. He kissed her again the next day.
Up next: I'm in the changing room at the store I do co-op. I open tiktok to see a message I got from a random guy with a silly name. I take a screenshot and show her, and I say "Who tf is this". I didn't expect her to know him, the name was just so dumb it made me laugh. But then she started panicking and going "block him now, block him right now". So now I'm like who the fuck is this guy? So anyways we talk and I find out she's been texting him for a month trying to date him. She sent him pics of herself, explicit pics, and he even showed me proof. He was a great guy, God bless him, he was a nice, solid guy. But I go confront her about this, and she says not to believe him. And then I ask her if she showed him pics of herself., and she denies it. So I take out the screenshot (it was like a gallery kinda, it was really low resolution) and I show her. And she says they're all off google. Funny thing, all of the pics have the same skin tone as her, and they looked incredibly home made, idk how else to put it. But despite this I believed her. But then I noticed something. It was the same cleavage pic she sent that other guy. And so I asked her, and she said "but that doesn't count, that's just cleavage". Also, you remember K? She also told me on this same day that the reason she was being so distant was because she was always texting him. Ouch, that hurts worse than getting my balls bit off by a crocodile.
Next one: She told me that she needs K to show her physical affection since I'm not there for her, and that I should stay with her while she stays with him. And I say absolutely not. And I'm just so tired at this point, I remind her about all the stuff I've already been thru, and I make her delete him off her phone completely.
Then, another guy also likes her, I'll name him E. Now one day, there's a sports day at her school, so she and him go into the field, and they cuddle, and kiss. She tells me weeks later. She also sucked him off in the bathroom after school, she also tongue kissed him. Right now she is on break from school, but that same guy told her on the last day that he wants to "Take her up the stairs and fuck her". She tells me this wont happen, she even promised.
I also asked her if she loved these guys, and she said no, she only liked the attention and the physical affection I couldn't give her. And to an extent, I believe her. But then, a few days ago, when she wakes up, she tells me E wants to marry her, and she told me she loves him too, and she can't choose between us. So, you can't choose between the guy who's been with you for over a year and some random dude you met a month ago? And she tells me I'll never even get to meet her, and she tells me it's hard to love two people at once. And this whole time I'm panicking, suffocating, I don't know what to do, I have no friends, nobody to lean on. I thought she was going to leave me. But after she settles down and says she picked me. Now apparently she did this because her parents don't like me but they like E. So she traumatized me and made me cry like a little girl on my basement floor because of her parents. That pain in my chest and heart still comes back every night, in fact I have it right now as I'm writing this. A few days after that whole outburst, I'm telling her how I feel and asking her about why she said all of that, and she said "ur pressuring me. Maybe E is right for me" And I just burst into tears and turned my phone off. What else can I do? And then E got her number and texted her about something, and obviously I kept asking her to block him, and I asked if she could show me a screen recording of her doing so. She did, and so I just left it at that. But today I got curious, I texted the number from the screen recording, asked him if he knew her, turns out, he's just a random guy from cape town, they're not even in the same city. So I don't know if she still talks to him on her phone, a month or so ago I noticed she would be online for long periods of time but she wouldn't respond to my texts, she never did that before. Nothing else really happened since then, I talked to her and she assures me she didn't love them, the kisses didn't mean anything, and she only sucked him off because when he asked her, he looked so into it. So no love involved there.
Honestly, I haven't been happy in months. And I'm so scared of leaving because I'm so attached, she's my first love and I'm hers, I look so repulsive I don't even know if anyone would ever love me. I have no friends, nobody to talk to, I don't want to be alone. I'm terrified. I still love her but I want out so bad, I know I sound really dumb and I know I have to leave, but even though she makes me so miserable she's always there for me, I always tell her when something happens, good or bad, she listens to me, she makes me smile, she's sweet, and I don't have anybody else at all to talk to. My mother is very religious, I can't really talk with her about girls, and my father passed a while ago. I have cousins and one close friend, but I can't really talk to them about this stuff, they don't have any experience whatsoever with girls, so it's pointless.
I'm sorry if I rambled, I'm just so stressed out right now that I don't know what to do.