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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Having a hard time, need a hand hold

4 replies

MrsDaveGrohl78 · 13/08/2025 05:09

This could be a long one but I feel like I need some support now. Everything seems to have happened at once and I feel like my head is going to explode.

Firstly, my dad called to let me know that his cancer has spread from his prostate to his bones. Then my mum had a fall in the bath and laid for 2 days before she was found - she stayed in hospital overnight and is ok now. I’m still in recovery from surgery but getting stronger every day.

My boyfriend is currently on holiday with family and I’m at his house looking after his dog. I found out on Friday that he had been creeping around girl’s Facebook profiles, all around the time I was in surgery and recovering. I don’t think he’s actually met anyone as I’ve been at his house the entire time (we don’t live together). When I confronted him about it he was so angry, he said I was being pathetic and that it was my “own fucking fault for looking”. He has alcohol issues, is toxic, aggressive and manipulative and when I called him out on all of that he was raging and blocked me.

It’s obviously over, I can never trust him again. I’m at his house until Monday (it’s not the dog’s fault he’s an arsehole) and he’ll return around 1am Tuesday morning. I just feel incredibly sad that it’s come to this and that he’s done this at a time when I’ve genuinely needed support. I’m clearly not enough and feel like my self esteem has been crushed.

How do I move on and feel better? I absolutely do not want him back.

OP posts:
Painrelief · 13/08/2025 05:16

You convince yourself that you deserve better . Acknowledge all of his red flags and be proud of yourself that you’re not willing to accept his behaviour then move on and be happy :)

Curlymam88 · 13/08/2025 05:51

Yes, sounds like you've had a lucky escape before getting tied down with kids or houses with this guy. Youre doing the right thing. Especially with the alcohol issue. Don't go back. I wish I had learnt my lesson and never went back 😕

Springadorable · 13/08/2025 06:42

You focus on him not being a supportive partner even if you were with him. There's no benefit to having him in your life, he wasn't there when you most needed him, and instead caused a lot of hurt and treated you like a mug. For now, use anger to get you through. And then when you're out of the house and can breathe and cry a bit more take things slow and steady and pick your way through.

MrsDaveGrohl78 · 13/08/2025 19:12

Thank you for the comments. I know I deserve better, he’s blocked on all platforms to make sure he doesn’t try to hoover me back in. I’m 47 years old, I thought I’d be settled by now and not making these silly mistakes…

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