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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking of leaving my partner because I’m not happy with myself

3 replies

animes17 · 12/08/2025 23:25

I have a lot of insecurities, with my weight being the biggest one. I tend to comfort eat a lot. I’ve tried losing weight before but never really made it happen. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. Right now, I feel like I’ve hit a wall and I’m totally lost on where to begin. I don’t think I’m that pretty either. I can be pretty negative sometimes. I know it. I try to stay positive, but since I’m not happy with myself, it’s tough to keep that up. I can be upbeat for a bit, but then I slip back into negativity. I often see the downside of life. I’ve been used for sex by men a lot in the past.

My partner is the sweetest, most loving, and caring person I’ve ever known. He’s got a heart of gold and would do anything for me. He’s reassured me countless times that he loves me and wants to be with me. I’ve never worried that he’d cheat, but I know he finds other women attractive, which is obviously normal. Honestly, I think he could do a lot better than me.

Lately, I’ve noticed that I keep nitpicking at things he says. Sometimes I don’t even realise I’m doing it. He’d never say it, but I’m sure he gets tired of having to reassure me all the time and explain himself. I know it’s not fair, and I feel so guilty because he deserves more from me. I really don’t want to lose him, but I can’t shake the feeling that he might eventually get fed up (if he hasn’t already) and leave me or cheat. But I don’t think I can be better and truly happy in a relationship until I find happiness within myself. As much as it hurts, I think I should let him go.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

OP posts:
wheresmymojo · 12/08/2025 23:40

I hate to be asking the obvious question but have you tried therapy? You certainly don’t have to live this way - these are all fixable things with a decent counsellor.

MancGirl06 · 12/08/2025 23:47

Having gone through this recently, I’d echo the poster above. Try therapy or counselling to get to the heart of the issues. Once you start losing the weight and improving yourself, you may not feel like ending the relationship. But, if you continue like this, you may well push your partner away without knowing it. This is what happened to me. You recognise you are in a rut, now you can pull yourself out of it to become your best version. Good luck x

Bimblebombles · 12/08/2025 23:56

It sounds like you are describing depression. Once you start to work on that, your relationships with everyone in your life (DP included) will improve.
A very simple, practical way to start to address it is to start going for a walk every day. Find a good podcast to listen to and just head out the door for an hour, Walking is a real powerful tool for improving how we feel mentally and physically, I lost 20lbs and crawled out of post natal depression by walking an hour every night,

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