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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cousins comments driving me mad

2 replies

shakeybakey · 12/08/2025 17:54

I’ve always been close to my cousin, we’ve not always seen eye to eye on things but it is what it is recently her comments on certain things are grating on me more than usual.

A couple of years ago she moved to the coast and since then she’s done nothing but berate the whole family for not following her over there, she was lucky that her partners parents bought them a place there but she can’t seem to get it into her head that some of us can’t just pack up and move, we’ve got commitments and responsibilities where we are, financially it wouldn’t be possible and the biggest one is she doesn’t understand that some people just aren’t bothered by living near the beach.

Then, 2 weeks ago it made the local news that her ex partner had been physically, sexually and emotionally abusing his most recent partner, she refused to believe any of it as “he never did anything like that to her” and that she’d never allowed a man to do that to her, she’d hit him back or leave. She said all this knowing that I’ve been in that position and wouldn’t take anything into consideration what I was saying about how abusive people work.

The most recent thing was yesterday, she has won a holiday to a caravan park we went to as kids, she said I can go with her but my kids can’t, that’s fine her holiday her decision however I said I can’t go without them which I’m okay with. But instead of accepting this she’s done on a huge rant about how I’ve let her down, that my mum needs to get off her arse, step up and have her grandkids for the week so I can go.

I think growing up I’ve been conditioned to pandering to her wants and views but I’m just sick of it. Would I be unreasonable to cut her off?

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 12/08/2025 18:25

Why is the main go to on mn to cut people off?
Why can you not stand up to her and clearly explain her behaviour is wrong and set strong boundaries with her? Be a grown up.
If you don't want to stand up to her, slowly fade her out and only reply when necessary.
Cutting people out can be very traumatic and not as easy as you think. I definitely wouldn't be doing it for the reasons you are stating.

Suednymph · 12/08/2025 20:09

Agree with PP it is very hard when you cut someone out and the repercussions can have devastating effects, it really is not as easy as folk make out.
Honestly just tell her to fuck off and mind her business and answer her messages with minimal amounts of words.

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