Ghosting on dating apps

[FenderStrat]

Really fed up with it!

It's cowardly and cruel.

I was on/off dating sites for ten years. Its par of the course sadly. Its a rubbish way to meet someone but with everyone on their phones these days, other ways of meeting people are less likely.

This is online dating, ghosting is common. You can’t force people to keep talking to you if they don’t want to. Chin up and soldier on.

I can't force them to keep messaging. But I do think if you willingly enter a conversation with somebody, there are certain standards of decency, you should adhere to whether that's online all in the real world.

This seems to be fairly common, it's why I can't believe that some posters on here are very demanding of how people interact with OLD because the default expectation is to ghost. I don't know why I should put so much effort into it when ghosting is likely to occur.

Generally it seems to be that someone doesn't like one response (and it's nothing red flaggable) and then immediate ghost!

I also think both sexes are just as guilty of it.

So make them earn the right to get to know you. Don't go all in at 100% with your best photos, clothes, cooking etc.

It's exhausting otherwise.

My view has always been that the outcome is the same regardless of whether a stranger on a dating app just stops responding to messages, or sends a final message saying “just to let you know, I’m not interested in carrying this conversation on any more and won’t be replying to you again.” It’s done, either way, and the latter isn’t going to make you feel any better about things than the hard stop if you’d felt the conversation was going somewhere.

Ultimately, it’s never a good idea to play message badminton for weeks on end, feeling as though you’re building a connection and becoming close via the app messages, inevitably becoming upset when that illusion is swiftly crushed by the other person stopping responding. Establish that you’ve enough in common to see if you click in real life over a drink and then arrange to meet within a few days or a week or so.

Uh huh. Is this how you are online dating? Maybe drop it and focus on building resilience instead.

Once again but a bit more patronising.

You’re not wrong but just because someone has willingly participated in a conversation it doesn’t mean they have the same standards as you. That’s something you find out as conversations progress, just like IRL. People ghost IRL too. It’s cowardly and shows complete disregard for others, making them disposable like garbage. I think it’s become so common it really isn’t worth taking personally. Just shrug it off as you would any other rudeness.

People probably think you will respond to them in the same way you have to posters on here if you hear something you don't like, and they decide they're not up for that.

But i have responded...

Are you talking about people you haven’t even met?! That’s not ghosting that’s just not continuing a conversation with a stranger!

Is this before you've even met them?

Because I really don't think that's ghosting. That's just deciding not to continue a conversation you're no longer enjoy.

I mean, I do that on here all the time! Doesn't mean I'm ghosting someone.

I think it depends what you’re talking about really.

Messages back & forth with a stranger who then stops replying mid-conversation I wouldn’t really class as ghosting. People could have 15-20 chats on the go, you’re all strangers, very surface level stuff I wouldn’t say you owe a formal “I’m done” conversation finisher.

But if you’ve been speaking for a longer time, had dates or dates arranged etc then yes, it’s rubbish to just disappear but again- name of the game really.

OK. Not always after dates but that has happened.
When there has been 20 more more messages, when a conversation is active and hasn't come to a pause or end and the other person ceases all messaging without warning or explanation.

Is not replying to a text ghosting, thought it was when you have had dates/relationship then they disappear despite you reaching out to them a few times?

20 messages with a stranger though, I honestly wouldn’t imagine a message to say “I’m done chatting” is needed here.

I don't consider it ghosting unless I've met them in person.
Why do I stop messaging with someone I've only "met" online? Because they are not putting in as much effort as me, and are taking no steps to get to know me. If all they're doing is answering a question I've put to them, I'm simply matching their effort by not asking any more.
Not saying this is the case with you
However annoying it is, I'd remember not to invest too much in someone until you've met a few times.

Be honest: do you genuinely want somebody to send you a message saying “hi, I’m finding this chat a bit boring and I don’t think we’ll gel in real life so am going it leave it here, all the best.”? Are you really upset because they aren’t doing that? Or are you actually upset because you’re putting a lot of eggs into the basket whenever you start messaging a new person and perhaps investing a bit too much, and what’s hurting is that they’re not interested?

OLD is a great way of initially connecting with hundreds of different people you probably wouldn’t meet in your daily life. You need to use it that way, and accept that a lot of connections just won’t go anywhere and that that’s fine, no hard feelings because it’s abrupt. OLD is not a great way to try and build any foundations or get to know somebody - don’t invest in people and feel downhearted when the energy isn’t reciprocated.

This.

Most people online dating have probably 10-15 chats going at any given time, you don’t owe 10-15 people a formal response when you’re done chatting- it’s okay in that instance to just stop replying.

Remember that men are unlikely to have many simultaneous chats going as they naturally get very few likes as opposed to women.

Generally I find the chats get a bit stuck, and always seem difficult to branch out, typically tends to be when trying to send the conversation down a different path the ghosting happens.

I take your points that it might not be ghosting. Still rude though.

Omg I was ghosted after a full two weeks of talking, he sent flowers to my work, we had a full weekend together then he apparently went to hospital, got discharged two days later and I then never heard from him again!

really embarrassing after the whole flowers to work thing and people asking how my new fella is!

latest bloke I’m seeing taking it slow and been very honest with each other!

I wouldn’t even say it’s rude to be honest, you’re just strangers to each other. I actually think it would be ruder to say “I’m bored of you, not going to reply again”!

I assume OP must be a man that he is clinging to brief chats with strangers?!