Hoping for some advice

[Anonymous62848]

Been married to my wife for a few years, together for 12. We've a brilliant life together, work hard on things and no major issues, would do anything for her.

Before we met I went travelling, in my early mid 20 and got very drunk one night with someone who was a bad influence. End up sleeping with a woman for money.

Am so ashamed of this horrible mistake, I regret it so much. I beat myself up about it alot and makes me anxious and hopeless. It was very naive and stupid at the time.

Never told my wife but now we talk about starting family I wonder if I need to. Not sure if should or how I could even tell 😥

Any advice, please be nice in comment as I know it's bad but is very tough for me.

No need to tell. It's in the past. Forget it.

Agree.

Why would starting a family change things? Are you worried about sexual health and have you been tested?

As it’s before you met and you feel so remorseful I think I’d kind of respect it if a partner shared that, you made a mistake, if it’s eating you up so much maybe tell her

Don’t tell her.
Make your peace with it and move on - it was a stupid thing to do, but you were young and foolish and at the time you probably hadn’t considered the implications of what you were doing. It seems you have realised now that it goes against a your morals, so you have learned a lesson from it.

If it is still eating away at you, write a letter to your younger self saying how you feel about it and then burn/ destroy that letter for some closure.

Don’t tell her, not least because if she posted about it on here, there would be a pile on of people saying there is no way it was only once!
You did something stupid and unpleasant when you were young. I too did stupid and unpleasant things when I was young and I have never felt the need to tell my DH about them. I wouldn’t do them now, I am not the same person. Neither are you. Forgive yourself and move on.

I did some really stupid stuff in my early/mid twenties. Stuff I am truly embarrassed about. We have to forgive ourselves, let it go and move on. The person I was then, is not the person I am now and living with shame is a horrible feeling. Let it go. Enjoy your life and move forward excited about your family plans. Your wife does not need to know.

No need to tell her, it was a mistake, you wouldn't do it again now and you've got a great relationship, try to forgive yourself

It’s before you met, you’re extremely remorseful - while you don’t need to tell her, I would respect it if someone told me that. But I wouldn’t beat yourself up. Young, silly, drunk - we all make mistakes! X

Good grief, it’s in the past. You feel bad about it. There’s no need to mention it, it doesn’t affect your relationship and happened before you met. Forgive yourself and move on.

Thank you for the replies, it made me feel a bit better about myself. But still sometimes I worry that one day she will ask me, as a joke, if I have done something like this and then I will have to tell her. It makes me very anxious and down because of my regret and shame.