Hobby obsessed husband

[Emsi1976]

I’m not sure if I’m losing my mind or need to escape but everything my husband does is all about him and his hobbies. Constantly on his phone to various group chats and hiding his phone. Won’t do anything for me and looses his shit if I ask him to or he asks what’s in it for him. He doesn’t drive so I have to take him wherever he needs to go for his hobbies plus run the house and run around after the kids. No one does anything for me. I’m so tired of it all.

Why are you together at all if you are this miserable ?.

How long have you been doing this?, Why are you driving him to his various hobbies?. (Are these hobbies cycling or golf?).

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Do you not find him hiding his phone a bit suspicious? Have you asked him why he’s doing this?
I feel his “hobbies” are a red herring here. Hes a grown man, needing lifts to go to hobbies? Why are you putting up with this shit? You sound like your have children and a man-child.

Sounds like you need to have a sit down and a proper chat to him about his priorities. If he’s open to compromise etc then all well and good. If not (and by the sounds of things he won’t be), you need to put your own boundaries in place, such as driving him as and when it’s convenient for you, and also getting a plan in place to leave him

You have a husband problem here.
“Won’t do anything for me and looses his shit if I ask him to or he asks what’s in it for him. He doesn’t drive so I have to take him wherever he needs to go…”
Presuming he doesn’t do anything around the house or for the kids too.

Even if he gave up all his hobbies he would still be a selfish manchild who can act like a stroppy teen boy to you.

what does he bring to the table? at this point seems like nothing.
why would you marry someone who can't drive...get him an e-bike.
why does his hobby involve hiding the phone?
my hobby obsessed dh has me answering his calls/texting replies.
sounds like a serious husband problem.

Hobby obsessed is one thing: I have a DH like that and it drives me up the wall

But he doesn’t hide his phone

He doesn’t expect me to support him in any way (take him there, go to races).

The way your H is treating you is way worse than being hobby obsessed. Figure out how to manage without him (financially assuming he is contributing) and then have a conversation where you put some hard boundaries in place.

Is he the sole earner?

This isn't just a hobby. Sounds much more like he's cheating on you with someone at, or who he has met through, the hobby. I'd not drive anyone who treated me the way he's treating you, the absolute cheek.

Hiding his phone from you.
Getting the rage when asked to do anything around the home/family.
This is like a huge red flag waving.

These “hobbies” likely involve someone who is more than just a hobby.

Id be withdrawing being his glorified taxi service immediately. He can either take a bus/taxi/cycle/get a lift off a mate to whatever it is he’s doing.

If he didn’t have kids and need driving it would be irritating if it meant you didn’t get quality time together. But you have kids you need to agree an amount of leisure time each and he needs to make his own way there.

Are you chauffeuring him to his affair?

He sounds a complete knob either way!

I think that is a very flippant answer, we all find ourselves at one time or another in impossible situations life is not that easy, I have just found out that my partner who we bought a house together for cash has never put me on the deeds and before anyone has a smart remark I’d never bought a house before and I totally trusted him but he betrayed me, things happen it’s how well you walk through the fire.

The question you need to ask yourself is why are you enabling this behaviour?

Just stop driving him. Ask him what’s in it for you.

Why doesn’t he drive? Is there a physical reason for this?

Stop driving him to his bloody hobbies, ffs!

He doesn't do anything for you, you don't do anything for him.

He loses his shit and asks what in it for him? You lose your shit and ask what's in it for you!

And, yes, you would find that life was a lot easier without this additional spoilt kid to pander to. Is that not tempting to consider?

As others have said wtf?! Stop driving him to his hobbies. Why are you doing this?
Sit down conversation with him, ‘I do not feel like you do anything for me, I am no longer going to do anything for you’
He will lose it and maybe that will tell
you all you need to know about where his priorities are.
Who pays the bills? Can you survive without him?

What is stopping you from saying no op? Does he earn all the money? We can help you work out options there. Or is it just that he’s so horrible? Then the sooner you’ve got rid of him the better for you and your kids.

”What’s in it for me?” Tells you that he sees your relationship as purely transactional. I wouldn’t want to live like that, But ask yourself, what’s in it for you. If on balance you want to stay with him perhaps you should you should fully embrace his perspective and do nothing unless there is something in it for you. I’d start by not driving him anywhere until he has provided something of equal or greater value to you. Getting payment upfront is always sensible especially when dealing with someone like him.

So basically he shows no respect .
List out the positives he brings to your life, try to stop me saying ‘Game over’.
Because respect is actually the biggest deal of all?
So you’re late 40s? He doesn’t drive because - CBA? Money? DUI? You have kids? What’s your work / money situations?Need more background to say anything more meaningful…..

Start by not giving him a lift to his hobbies?

I would say "I'm not driving you today unless you [fill in task(s) here]." Then stick to it - simply repeat that line with anything he says in response, over and over. Then work out whether you want to stay with a man who doesn't respect you. At the very least you need to start with respecting yourself and that means not driving him unless he's pulling your weight.