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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New man might have a porn addiction?!

30 replies

caramelmacchiatocoffee · 11/08/2025 23:22

Hopefully I’ve posted in the right place. Any advice would be appreciated.

I’m starting to think that the man I’m seeing might have a bit of a porn obsession. It seems like nothing is ever good enough for him when it comes to sex. We’ll try one thing, and then he immediately wants to move on to something else. I get that trying new things is part of the fun, but everything is still pretty new for me, and I’d prefer to take it slow, while he wants to jump into everything right away. We’ve had sex a few times, but he’s really pushing for anal, which I’ve never done before, and he knows that. He keeps pressuring me to try it. He even wants me to practice in the shower with my fingers. I mentioned earlier that I wasn’t sure if I felt comfortable with it, and he said that was okay, but not to stall and make a decision soon. So, it feels like I can’t even think it over?

He’s also really into boob wanks, making me squirt, and he wants to cum on my face. There’s a bunch of other stuff too, like wanting to have sex in public and asking me to take pictures of myself out in public (he even asked me to take one in Tescos the other night, but I said no). I did send him a photo of myself at his request the other day, and his reply was, “thank you for doing that, I really appreciate it.” It felt kind very “transactional” if I’m honest.

He’s already told me that he loves me, but I’m really not sure how I feel about all of this.

OP posts:
ScrollingLeaves · 11/08/2025 23:26

I’d feel “I’m out”. He sounds absolutely awful. That isn’t love.

CharlotteSometimes1 · 11/08/2025 23:27

Run

saltnpepperchips · 11/08/2025 23:35

i had one like this I dumped him after 3 months as I didn’t feel respected and felt like I was being fetishised - every time I visited he’d bought a new sexy outfit or toy it gave me the ick in the end you deserve to be loved and cherished for who you are and don’t let him push you into anal if you don’t want to I hate how porn has made it so mainstream and almost expected.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 11/08/2025 23:53

He sounds very sexually inexperienced and as though he's learnt about sex from porn. He's not considering your needs at all and he can't hear you.

He doesn't understand consent, never mind enthusiastic consent. You've made it clear you don't want to do anal and he's telling you to work on it and hurry up.

Sex with him sounds dreadful and I doubt it's occurred to him that you are meant to be enjoying the experience. The things he's asking you to do sound degrading, you're not his personal camgirl.

Subwaystop · 12/08/2025 00:00

Are you even enjoying sex with him? Are you thinking about you and what you like and enjoy?

whatisheupto · 12/08/2025 00:08

Jeez this sounds horrendous. I can't believe you haven't already broken up... it's plainly obvious from your post that he is using you as a sex toy. Have some self respect and get away from this loser. Run. Fast!

CalzoneOnLegs · 12/08/2025 00:10

He sounds scary to be honest, wants his own way no matter how you feel.

toxicjobrec · 12/08/2025 00:20

What on earth are you doing having sex with this creep. Dump him. Yesterday.

mrandmrsrobinson · 12/08/2025 06:15

Bin

PersephonePomegranate · 12/08/2025 06:45

Is he over the age of 16?! He sounds like a teenager boy.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/08/2025 09:57

That's not a porn addiction, that's a man who doesn't see you as anything more than a sex toy designed for his pleasure.

Bin him off.

DaisyChain505 · 12/08/2025 10:03

Absolutely grim. Have some self respect for yourself and walk away now. Why are you even entertaining this? He’ll be on to doing exactly the same to the next poor woman who’ll look his way without giving you a second thought.

YetanotherNC25 · 12/08/2025 18:56

That sounds grim for you. Don’t try and work out the reasons why. He’s using you as his own personal sex doll instead of seeing you as a person. Please leave. Most men are not like this. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with especially with a man like that.

TwistedWonder · 12/08/2025 19:01

He’s treating like like an unpaid sex worker - he doesn’t care about your needs he just wants a warm body to fulfil his porn addled fantasies.

He sounds as grim as fuck - get out before he destroys your self redirect.

Notmyreality · 12/08/2025 19:02

Porn obsession or not isn’t really the issue. He’s asking you to do a whole bunch of stuff you don’t feel comfortable doing. You’ve answered your own question and the relationship isn’t for you. Time to say goodbye to him.

TwistedWonder · 12/08/2025 19:03

And tbh he’s pushing you into things you don’t really want to do which is coercive and rapey

MeridaBrave · 12/08/2025 19:24

That’s not a porn addiction (eg addicted to watching porn) that’s sexual harassment.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/08/2025 19:29

I know exactly how I’d feel about all that. Turned off. And I’d block him. He sounds absolutely dreadful. Just before I blocked him I’d ask him “do you know the word for a man who pressurises a woman into doing sexual things she doesn’t want to?” Yuck.

Pinkissmart · 12/08/2025 19:31

Ew
Just, ew

desiderata328 · 12/08/2025 21:11

Fuck this, seriously. This is not how adults make love in relationships.

RoseInBloome7 · 12/08/2025 21:19

Throw this one back

NeedToAskPlease · 12/08/2025 21:33

Unfortunately the last relationship l was in was similar. It was all about his needs. He told me he was addicted to porn and wanted all the things you've said.

I also didn't want anal but he pushed until he got his own way.... little by little... first a finger inserted etc... until he went the whole way. I was so shocked l didn't react.

He had no respect for me and l was only there to give him an orgasm...

I'm still picking up the pieces of my self esteem and respect. Please think about what positives you're getting from this relationship.

BeMellowAquaSquid · 12/08/2025 21:53

I’m normally really open-minded but this is insane. I hope by writing this all down it’s given you the kick up the butt to see this isn’t normal addicted to porn excusable behaviour, its coercive control and sexual exploitation. There’s no part of this that’s ok.

move on.

block.

delete.

RUN

usedtobeaylis · 12/08/2025 21:55

He's pressuring you and manipulating you. Nope out, quick.

comoatoupeira · 12/08/2025 21:56

It doesn't sound like you are attracted to him