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Original poster

DPs children have finally agreed to meet me - after over 3 years….

42 replies

Blushingm · 11/08/2025 21:21

What’s the best way to make this as easy for all of us.

Eldest son has been very reluctant as he was afraid of he doesn’t like me then his dad will be upset or sad. He knows his dad is happy with me so thought if he didn’t met me then there wouldn’t be the problem of not liking me. But he’s agreed to at least meet me now.

DP’s youngest has always been open to meeting me but DP didn’t want one without the other.

He met my DS about 6 months ago and my DD about a year ago

Im really nervous as I really want him to like me - I want to make a good impression. Plus I don’t want it to be too awkward

DP has been divorced 4 years and I’ve been divorced for 9 years

OP posts:
cloudtreecarpet · 12/08/2025 10:19

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 12/08/2025 10:06

Personally I would have head for the hills two years ago.

The problem with the fact that they’ve only just agreed to meet you after three years and that you and your DP have gone along with it, is that they will forever be able to hold it over you. They know that if they don’t want to see you their father will support it. They’re old enough to make those choices, and you have no relationship with them.

Added to which your DP actively decided for three years to not introduce you to his youngest because of the eldest. Maybe if he’d agreed for the youngest to meet you when he was ready the eldest would have followed. But he didn’t. He’s left all the control up to his eldest, and IMO this will not end well.

It depends what the OP wants out of meeting his kids
My kids don't seem to like their Dad's partner much and possibly never will, who knows, but she just lets them be & doesn't get too involved with their lives & they get time on their own with their Dad.
As they have got older & need their parents less I feel it's become less of an issue.

Unless you really want to become a second mum to them, OP, I think it can be fine. Just be relaxed & have low expectations of it all. And the key is to remember that you are in a relationship with their dad not them.

4forksache · 12/08/2025 10:31

I like the idea of a short bowling trip then leaving them to go for a pre arranged dinner on their own with dad.

or cinema than half an hour or so having a quick drink/ice cream afterwards.

Keep it short and sweet the first time.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/08/2025 10:32

I would first make it a quick hello at pick up or drop off or say hi on a video call so they know who you are. Then go along to a family day out like bowling etc.

Lurkingandlearning · 12/08/2025 11:27

Just thought of another activity that might work. Those zip line centre sound fun.

Original poster
Blushingm · 12/08/2025 19:58

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 12/08/2025 10:06

Personally I would have head for the hills two years ago.

The problem with the fact that they’ve only just agreed to meet you after three years and that you and your DP have gone along with it, is that they will forever be able to hold it over you. They know that if they don’t want to see you their father will support it. They’re old enough to make those choices, and you have no relationship with them.

Added to which your DP actively decided for three years to not introduce you to his youngest because of the eldest. Maybe if he’d agreed for the youngest to meet you when he was ready the eldest would have followed. But he didn’t. He’s left all the control up to his eldest, and IMO this will not end well.

He didn’t actively decide for 3 years - the eldest has been refusing for the last year or so. They youngest hasn’t had an issue

OP posts:
Original poster
Blushingm · 12/08/2025 20:00

Thanks everyone - honestly - for your ideas and advice.

i think we may do bowling - the boys are very competitive when it comes to games etc, but I don’t really mind losing that much. Plus there will hopefully be some laughter (I’m a terrible bowler!)

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 12/08/2025 20:03

FenderStrat · 12/08/2025 07:51

Run!

I would say that to a man or woman dating anybody with children.

You'll be expected to do pretty much everything the biological mother or father would do, and you'll get second best in return.

Calm down! They're obviously taking it slowly and responsibly.

Charabanc · 12/08/2025 20:07

Blushingm · 12/08/2025 20:00

Thanks everyone - honestly - for your ideas and advice.

i think we may do bowling - the boys are very competitive when it comes to games etc, but I don’t really mind losing that much. Plus there will hopefully be some laughter (I’m a terrible bowler!)

The trouble with bowling is - how do you decide the teams? Or will you be playing individually?

Original poster
Blushingm · 12/08/2025 20:20

Charabanc · 12/08/2025 20:07

The trouble with bowling is - how do you decide the teams? Or will you be playing individually?

Show quote history

As there would only be 4 of us, I was thinking individually?

OP posts:
Charabanc · 12/08/2025 20:22

Blushingm · 12/08/2025 20:20

As there would only be 4 of us, I was thinking individually?

Show quote history

So you're going to end up with one upset, competitive child, at least.

Original poster
Blushingm · 12/08/2025 20:40

Charabanc · 12/08/2025 20:22

So you're going to end up with one upset, competitive child, at least.

Show quote history

They don’t get upset/sulky just are competitive. One of the joint hobbies in their house is board games and card games - they play A LOT. Like to build decks for certain games - it’s a shared interest between them and their dad. It’s good natured competitiveness not shouting, sulky losing

OP posts:
Charabanc · 12/08/2025 21:01

Oh that sounds fine then. Just make sure you don't win!

Original poster
Blushingm · 12/08/2025 21:15

Charabanc · 12/08/2025 21:01

Oh that sounds fine then. Just make sure you don't win!

There is 0 chance of me winning - I’m that bad 😂

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 12/08/2025 21:17

Not a theme park - that's hours and hours with crowds and queuing and all manner of stressors. Bowling is a great one because you can play as many games as feels comfortable, plus there's enough space between goes to chat naturally but not intensively. Hope it goes well.

Needpatience · 12/08/2025 21:34

We did Pool when I met my DP’s reluctant teens and mini golf when he met my teens. Both seemed to work well but you just have to not try too hard!
Definitely out of the house and not a meal. Something where you don’t have to talk and can be commenting on what you are doing.
Good luck.

My next hurdle is trying to convince his eldest to meet my DC (youngest would but plan is for them all to meet or not at all). We’ve been together over 2 years.

Needpatience · 12/08/2025 21:35

I think individual is better than teams. We had to get into teams for pool and neither of the DC wanted to go with me so we did adults v kids but then it was harder for us not to win.

Original poster
Blushingm · 13/08/2025 06:55

Mustbethat · 11/08/2025 21:25

How old are they?

I think you both need to take the stress out of the equation.

he doesn’t have to like you. Nor you him. At this stage it’s being civil, finding things in common, and building a relationship.

if you don’t get on it’s not the end of the world. You and your dp can do things separately. But hopefully the bond will grow.

unless they’re moving in with you and you have to get on take it slow, and accept that feelings are valid.

No not moving it til DC have finished school.

theyre 13 & 16

OP posts:
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