Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Relationship’s ran its course? Partner doesn’t agree

29 replies

carterteddy · 11/08/2025 11:24

Hi all,
I’m in such a predicament with my partner and it’s really bringing me down.
We’ve been together nearly six years and we live together (just renting)
In the past year the relationship has definitely got worse.
I’ll be totally honest, I can’t stand him now. There’s always an issue when he comes home, makes a mess of the house, breaks things (which I’m sure he’s doing on purpose) ,leaves everything everywhere, the list goes on.
For context, I sorted getting the house and bought all the furniture. I’m also the main person on the tenancy and everything comes out of my bank.
I’ve spoke to him numerous times about me not feeling the same anymore, that I don’t want the relationship, that we don’t make each-other happy etc. We’ve not been on a date in nearly 2 years!
He always replies ‘well I’m not moving out so good luck’.
My friends & family advice I just leave him with the house and move out. Bare in mind I bought everything in this house? So I can spend 3k on furniture just for him to keep the house and benefit from it all?
Realistically he wouldn’t be able to do that as like I said, everything comes out of my bank.
I’m only in my twenties with no kids, and I know I need to get out as I’ll have a miserable life if I stay with him.

Has anyone had the same issues!l? How did you get out of it? Thankyou

OP posts:
LoveSandbanks · 11/08/2025 11:29

End the tenancy and move out, take all your furniture with you.

he can stay there if he can pay the rent and buy new furniture

alternatively, change the locks while he’s out and leave his shit stuff on the doorstep!

user1492757084 · 11/08/2025 11:30

It's 3000 well spent to be free of the man who is not adding one ounce of worth or joy to your life, Op.
Save up, find another rental and plan to leave at a time that suits you.

Ask a male family member to be there while you discuss partner being only one on the rental and that you are leaving.

THISnewbeginning · 11/08/2025 11:31

This is basically a control tactic op

Scarylett · 11/08/2025 11:32

Can you end the tenancy early.

smallsilvercloud · 11/08/2025 11:37

The tenancy is still your responsibility to pay rent unless you give notice and end contract or they agree to solely sign it over to him, depending if he can afford it, you keep the furniture though, that’s too much to lose.

Mrsttcno1 · 11/08/2025 11:40

Do NOT take your friends/family advice, you can’t just leave him with the house because it is all in your name which means you’re still going to be paying for it, and if you don’t then it’s you who they will be chasing for the debt.

You need to give notice & end the tenancy, find somewhere else JUST for you and move out with your furniture. Where he lives after that is absolutely not your responsibility, you get your new keys and go.

AgentJohnson · 11/08/2025 11:49

If it’s a joint tenancy then end it and take your stuff with you but if you are the sole tenant, tell him to leave. Let your landlord know and ask him if you can change the locks (you’d pay of course) because your ex partner is being difficult.

Take photos of everything you have bought without a contribution from him, just in case. Any communication you have with him should be writing anything he says verbally should be referenced in your written communication with him.

You need to make it clear that you aren’t backing down and him dragging this out will only make it difficult for him to secure alternative accommodation.

tripleginandtonic · 11/08/2025 11:55

If his name isn't on the tenancy then change the locks and get him to move his stuff out. If it is you need to wait until your tenancy comes up for renewal and either end it or take him off the tenancy and live there on your own. He's not in a position to blackmail you by the sounds of it.

AirborneElephant · 11/08/2025 12:00

If he’s not on the tenancy and you are paying the rent then give him notice and then change the locks. Or if it’s just private rented and there are other options for you then end the tenancy, arrange movers, and take your furniture with you. You may have to come to terms with losing your deposit or some of your stuff, but that’s not worth being miserable over.

TomeTome · 11/08/2025 12:15

Do you want to move or do you want him to move out?

nameobsessed · 11/08/2025 12:20

Lots of sensible advice from PP’s but personally I wouldn’t be having that. ‘I’m not moving out so good luck’ sounds like a challenge and one I would rise to, you can’t just decide you’re staying where you’re not wanted- that’s how abusive people behave.

Next time he’s out, bag up his stuff outside ready to go and get a locksmith in to change the locks. If he tries to get in after that I’d call the police. I would also make sure you text him something along the lines of it’s over, you’re not welcome at my house, you can come and collect your things from outside but any problems and the police will be called as you’ve previously refused to leave. Just in case it was to escalate then you’ve made yourself very clear.

My partner and I have helped a friend do this, he ended up leaving with his tail between his legs because he couldn’t intimidate the three of us, so if you feel you need support get some friends over.

Suednymph · 11/08/2025 12:22

He is not on the tenancy and you pay rent and bills it really is as simple as changing the locks and putting his stuff outside for him to collect.

surprisebaby12 · 11/08/2025 12:36

The sunk cost fallacy! Tell him the relationship is over but he’s welcome to take over the tenancy and house costs, and you’re moving with all the furniture you’ve bought. You’ve got proof of purchase (emails/bank statements) so he’s not got a leg to stand on. You’re too young to tie yourself to someone like that.

Omgblueskys · 11/08/2025 12:47

Op does he work, if so get the locks changed while he is out and pack up his stuff, leave outside, block on phone/ sm

Dunnocantthinkofone · 11/08/2025 12:51

Is he on the tenancy or not? You being the ‘main person’ on a tenancy is very ambiguous
The options will depend solely on this

BauhausOfEliott · 11/08/2025 12:52

My friends & family advice I just leave him with the house and move out. Bare in mind I bought everything in this house? So I can spend 3k on furniture just for him to keep the house and benefit from it all?

Take the furniture with you when you leave.

maryjane84 · 11/08/2025 13:13

I might be wrong (it's been a long time since I was a tenant) but if you leave him in the house and the tenancy is in your name, and he stays but can't afford to pay the rent, then the landlord will presumably have to have him evicted, which could take a long time, leave him out of pocket and be a massive pain for him too, which will all have to go through you... and you may need a reference for the next property you rent on your own, so I would be wary of leaving him in a place that you are technically responsible for. Not least as you will still end up having to deal with this for potentially a long time. Making him leave and making your landlord aware etc. and documenting everything is what I would probably do. Or give notice on the lease if you want to but I'd still make sure he was long gone before it's up to avoid future problems. His 'good luck' comment makes it sound like he is going to make as much of a nuisance of himself as possible in this process. Good luck.

DCC2025 · 11/08/2025 13:21

You need to clarify what ‘main person on the tenancy means’

is it solely in your name?

even if it is in joint names, you just need to give notice and then leave. It might mean sticking it out for a while or maybe moving back in with parents and you’ll have to continue to pay your half.

if it’s only in your name you give notice, like today, and then depending on how much notice you have to give is not say anything initially and then give him maybe a months notice that he has to leave or take out the tenancy in his own name. You wait until he’s out of the house and then remove all of your belongings and then you walk away for good.

you’re really not as trapped as you think as you’re not married nor do you have kids so you can pretty much just walk away. You just need to get the formalities in place.

unless you’re tied into a years tenancy or something you could be free of him very quickly!

Bittenonce · 11/08/2025 14:39

‘I’m not moving out so good luck’?

Sod that for a game of soldiers, your relationship is over. Give notice, get movers in to clear the stuff you bought and get yourself somewhere else. Now.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 11/08/2025 15:13

Just do what my DP did when she left her fiancé prior to meeting me. Book a day off work, and move out and take everything that belongs to you when you go.

Dozer · 11/08/2025 15:16

That’s poor advice if OP has a rental contract @VimesandhisCardboardBoots

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/08/2025 15:18

It would help to know how long the tenancy is, who's on it, whether you know the LL etc.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 11/08/2025 15:20

Dozer · 11/08/2025 15:16

That’s poor advice if OP has a rental contract @VimesandhisCardboardBoots

True, I was referring more towards the fact that all the stuff belongs to her.

Obviously she needs to tell him she's leaving, and end the tenancy. But there's nothing to then stop her moving out a couple of days early with her stuff while he's at work.

Snorlaxo · 11/08/2025 15:23

End the tenancy and move out with your furniture is the easiest way out.

The advice from your friends and family is awful. He could stop paying the rent and get your credit score in trouble.

Do you have a male relative or two who can come round when you formally kick him out? (I assume that his name is not on the tenancy?) I would get the landlord’s permission in advance to change the locks for safety and have the male relatives make sure that he doesn’t break stuff in retaliation or take stuff that’s not his.

Does he have family nearby? The other way to do it is to pack up his stuff while he’s at work, get the male relatives to help you drive it to that family’s house then wait at home with you for when he comes round angry.

Dozer · 11/08/2025 15:25

whether there is anything to stop her leaving quickly depends on the terms of the tenancy.