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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brother must hate me

27 replies

citygirl77 · 11/08/2025 10:29

A couple of years ago, my brother stopped talking to me. Literally just cut me out of his life. He talks to other family members, but not me. I was very close to him and I genuinely don’t know what I could have done. If he told me, we could discuss it. This causes me great pain. He doesn’t visit my Father, but chats on the phone. I on the other hand do a lot for my Father, which is quite a burden in some ways. My Dad says my brother wants to preserve his mental health. This suggests I have done something, but I honestly have not. My brother is in his fifties.

OP posts:
citygirl77 · 12/08/2025 21:02

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/08/2025 13:26

My guess is my brother knows he is in line for an inheritance and doesn’t want to rock the boat.

This sort of statement doesn’t imply a particularly good opinion of or sense of regard for your brother. It’s a bit of a shit thing to say about somebody else and their relationship with their parent, when you aren’t even in contact with them. Perhaps your brother is more aware than you think that you view him in this sort of way, and “preserving his mental health” is about not being around somebody who views him that way. Why, ultimately, are you so interested in a relationship with somebody you believe is only motivated to stay in touch with his father by an inheritance?

That is totally unfair. We were always very close and I did an awful lot for him. We entertained them whenever they wanted to visit my father. We have always supported them. Then boom. One day he decided he didn’t want to speak to me and he didn’t want to visit my father. But he graces my father with a phone call once a week. So tell me then, why has he not visited his father in two and a half years? Is that normal?

OP posts:
SnobblyBobbly · 12/08/2025 21:09

My sister has done this. Cut off a few of us for some reason and just talks to one sibling now. It really upset me at first but now that I’ve thought it through, I realise that she wasn’t bringing much to my life either, and I’ve always been closer to my other family members, so I’ll spare myself the upset and leave her to it.

Rejection always hurts, but if you can look at the situation objectively, it could be that your brother will actually bring more negative than positive if he re-enters your life so maybe you’ll be better off working on acceptance.

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