Anyone in a friendship marriage?

[confusednsad]

Unfortunately I just don't think I love DH anymore. He spends most of his time with his hobby (all weekend, every weekend) & I have reached my limit & really questioning what is the point in being together anymore (no kids).

Question is - is anyone in a relationship where you just live different lives for the sake of staying together? I'm considering this as a possibility for us as we get on ok most of the time & I really can't be bothered by the upheaval of splitting up, selling the house etc in my 50's.

Anyone else just potter along like this & how does it work for you?

Why would you stay together ‘for the sake of it?’ For the sake of what?

Have you spoken to him about spending some time together at weekends? Is he aware of how you feel?

You are only in your 50s OP.
It sounds awfully early in life to settle for "pottering along".
Why don't you sit down and think about what sort of life you would really like and how best to achieve it.

It's not really a friendship if you spend so much time apart and don't enjoy each other's company (do you, when you get together)?

If you get along really well but he's more absorbed by hobbies, then maybe find your own to fill the gap?

Going it alone would mean finding another focus in life than your marriage. Maybe start doing that now and see how you feel in a year's time?

If you prefer to potter along like this than face upheaval, that's your choice. You don't mention whether you EVER have fun together... if not, then bear in mind that staying with him means a lifetime of this and will be much more depressing in old age.

thank you @Beachtastic that sounds great advice, time to find a focus in my life & review it again later I think

yes, we get on when we are together such as holidays but i'm just not sure if I love him anymore

You are just friends so. Do you still have sex?

If you have no children I’m wondering why you would stay together ‘for the sake of it’

maybe once every couple of weeks or so

for the sake of it would be the upheaval of selling the house & effectively starting again on my own

You're already effectively starting again on your own, OP 😊

You say you're not sure if you love him any more. That's worth thinking about.

Yes, he improves for a little while but drifts back to his old ways pretty quickly

It sounds as though he's more interested in his hobbies, and you've also lost interest in him. It's not looking great for the future, I'm afraid.

I know I suggested getting some hobbies of your own and waiting a year, but to be honest the sooner you bite the bullet, the sooner you can start building a more rewarding life. 💗

I'm going to go against the grain here and ask what you want from your future.
If you feel like you would be happier alone and wouldn't mind being that way potentially for the rest of your life then I think go for it & consider leaving.

If, however, you are craving a better relationship with more sex & closeness then I would suggest really trying with this relationship before you leave. Really spell out how you are feeling to your husband & suggest counselling.
It's not easy out there for an over 50s single woman looking for a relationship so if there is any love left for your DH and any way of changing it I would try that first.

Unless, as I say, you feel you would be happier alone - and it is possible to be happy on your own - or wouldn't mind being on your own.

I think a lot of people do but they usually have kids.

Is there anything that you would like to do OP? Something worth while I mean not just a hobby to pass the time. Perhaps start a business. Or
Would you learn a difficult skill like sailing to the extent of voyages from A to B that takes several days. I happen to know that you could do that from zero at your age if you are averagely fit.
Perhaps you would enjoy a real challenge.

@ButIlikepink thank you, it is something I will think about, I would love to horse ride so will look into taking this up as I used to do that in the past

We had a good chat last night & he offered to give up his hobby which I don't want him to do as he loves it & it would just cause resentment. It's nice to know he values me though & he's agreed to make more effort, we both will & see where it goes for a while

Thank you all for your great advise, it really helped

@confusednsad , I have posted about motivational ideas before under different names.
I stress the difference in sense of achievement in oneself from worthwhile challenges.
Going back to riding in ones 50s could strain your body. Driving a pony & a gig would be less injury prone.