Should my partner go away for a lads weekend?

[Mamashark96]

Hey,
I'm looking for some honest advice so I can make sure I'm not being unreasonable.
Just to quickly paint the picture, my partner and I have three kids. The oldest being 7 and the youngest is only 3 months old. I am on statutory mat leave. We are in the process of searching for a bigger house (buying our first property) which my parents are helping us afford. We are also planning a wedding for 2027.

My other half has a very active social life and I try to support this as much as possible.
Lately, he's being going about an hours drive away to watch his football team almost every week.
I by contrast only ever see "school mum friends" when at play dates.
My partner now wants to go abroad for three days at the end of the month to see his football team and because "all his friends are going."
Normally, this wouldn't be an issue to me.
Right now, however we are on a very tight budget. I don't allow me or the kids lunches out and we have worked hard to tighten our belts.
We have some very big commitments to plan for in the next few years.
I'm also anxious about being left for that amount of time unsupported with three kids, one who is a young baby.
I also fear this will look unreasonable to my parents who are helping us get on the property ladder and that this type of expense will seem reckless.
He is very disappointed and pleading with me as he says this is a rare opportunity.
What should I do?

We are in the process of searching for a bigger house (buying our first property) which my parents are helping us afford

Your parents are essentially subsidising your partners social life. Is he not dying of embarrassment? Aren’t you?

Thank you all for your honesty. I've needed it.
I'm unsure how to word this but in your relationships do you expect your partner to be a provider?
I've never really expected or asked my partner for nights away, gifts, family holidays and now we're in this situation with trying to get a house.
I'm starting to wonder where exactly his income goes...
When I'm not on maternity leave I work night shifts as a nurse so my wage is pretty good. In years gone by I've been the provider of most extra things.
We go 50/50 on bills.
I don't know what I should be expecting from my other half.
We've been together 13 years and I met him when I was 17 so this really is all I've ever known.
I don't want to be spoiled or a diva I just notice other peoples husbands and partners get satisfaction from providing for their families. Is this the norm?

Sorry but he shouldn't be even proposing this!!
What does he think, you're his mum too?

....he's going to have to step up, he's got 3 children including a baby, time to behave like an adult.

He's begging you? For fuck's sake??

I could never be with a man like that,

My husband prefers spending time with me and our kids over his friends.

Three days away, done on a budget doesn't need to cost the earth. Could he have it as his next Christmas and birthday present from you all?

I'd much rather have that than the kinds of "stuff"

Yeah this is true.
I think my other bone of contention is he only has 5 days annual leave left between now and December.
I'd asked him to take some time off during the October break to spend some time on holiday a family of five.
If he chooses to go with his friends we'll not have the week in October together.

I expect us both to be providers. I also expect us both to be full humans with full lives. 50:50 with three kids and three mat leaves? How have you funded those?

The way that has worked best for us is; everything in one pot; bills, saving, pensions and kids’ stuff is paid and then everyone gets the same amount of discretionary spending (we call it pocket money) and the same work- and child-free time. That way he can save up for lads’ weekends and you can spend yours on you.

I get the impression that he thinks about him and you think about all of you. Which doesn’t work.

Do You have similar incomes?

how is it a rare oppurtunity -the europa or whatever cup theyre playing for will either go to the ne next round or it will happen next year

Thank you, I really like this idea. We currently have two separate accounts. What ends up happening is I'm out with the kids 90% of the time so it ends up coming out of my pocket and then the days, weeks, months go by without me thinking about it and before I know it I've done most of the spending.
On mat leave that is a strain financially and probably contributes to the feeling of resentment.

I earn less as I work two 12 hour shifts over the weekend so I can care for the kids Monday - Friday.
I'm on statutory maternity just now and have savings but things are tight.