How do I handle this abusive ex-H?

[NCforthisoneagain]

I parallel parent with a nasty, abusive ex.

he has never physically hit me- it was emotional, financial and psychological.

he keeps reporting me to police, social services, and other agencies for ridiculous nonsensical reasons. The latest is reporting me for not returning our 2 DC ( 9 & 11) to the Uk after our holiday in France. We came back last weekend. But he hasn’t been in touch to speak to DC so I have no idea where he got this idea from. I’ve also found out he has contacted my friends, neighbours and workplace to say I’ve abducted the DC.

As usual, I’m ignoring it, but how do I stop him doing this?

have contacted police in past, but it was a few years ago. I try not to inflame the situation by reporting it, as it doesn’t actually affect me and he just looks like an idiot. The various agencies seem to be very aware of his spurious allegations, so it doesn’t cause any problems.

but it’s getting boring now. Any advice? Would police class this as harassment ?

Move away if you can. Only allow email contact. If he carries on with this go to the police and say he is harassing you. Document everything. Go for a non molestation order if nothing changes. Tell everyone what he is doing such as school etc so there is no chance he can pick kids up and run off. Make sure all your social media is private. Tell HR at work and get their support.

You can contact Rights of Women for advice. He sounds fixated which is a bad sign.

I would download the Hollieguard app, start a diary of his behaviour including evidence such as texts. If possible download a parenting app as it saves all communication.

Do you share care?

I think I’ll do that. The app is a good idea.

Agree he is slightly fixated but we’ve been divorced 5 years and it still hasn’t calmed down.

Yes - technically 50/50, but it is as and when he decidess.

I'd go to court OP, you need a proper routine and you're never going to get it without a third party. Your children also deserve to know where they stand from week to week.
Also good advice from PP about only communicating via a parenting app.
I think that it's really hard when you've left an abusive relationship, because although the relationship is over, the dynamic continues. You probably did a lot of putting up with bad behaviour when you were with him, ignoring horrible things because of the consequence if you didn't, keeping quiet because it made things a bit easier. It might be worth considering that you're still stuck in that dynamic a bit. I certainly was and it was very very difficult to stand up to someone I was still afraid of, and who I still felt a bit responsible for if I'm honest.

Fixation is a bad sign because it can escalate. People who are fixated can go on to stalk and may harm their victim which is why you need professional advice. From your description he's not stalking you but you need safety advice. Rights of Women are trained in domestic abuse and the law so should be able to help.
https://www.womensgrid.org.uk/?p=3154

@MiloMinderbinder925 I’ve been worried about this for a while. While things have stabilised, I have no idea why he continues this behaviour. It’s weird. Especially since he has met someone else

Because he's abusive and abusers want to maintain power and control. He feels as though he's lost control so he's trying to keep control and punish you.

It's difficult to explain without creating fear but you need to get advice. Fixation or obsessive behaviour, especially after a break up, is a huge red flag. Nearly 100% of domestic homicides involve stalking or obsessive behaviour. The vast majority occur in the victim's home.

The reason you need professional advice is because you don't want to escalate the situation, however you still need to protect yourself. If I were in your shoes, I'd get CCTV, a video doorbell, a letter box guard, window and door locks as well as an alarm.

I would reset all tech to factory settings and make sure location is switched off on your phone. I'd also download the Hollieguard app. I'm being overly cautious but he's fixated and he could escalate his behaviour or already be stalking you. If he previously lived in your property, I'd check for hidden cameras.

Never let him into your home or stay in a room/area alone with him. Start keeping a diary of his behaviour with evidence to build a case. You might find the Brightsky app helpful.

People you can contact for support:

Paladin
Rights of Women
National Domestic Abuse helpline

Time to protect yourself and your children to
maximum extent you can. Do speak to organisations referred to above.

Suggest you get security cameras for your home and car. Tell school dad’s behaviour is odd and that you are taking legal and police advice. Tell neighbours and friends. Carry personal alarm. Make sure your kids if old enough have concealed phone and can call if they’re ever with him and concerned.