Pregnant but divorcing

[User99367906]

Please be kind. My DH and I are in the process of separating. It’s not been working for a long time and it all culminated in him having an affair which I discovered 6 months ago. I’ve tried to stay amicable for the kids and we are living together separated. Stupidly 3 weeks ago we shared a bottle of wine and one thing led to another… just found out I’m pregnant. I’m devastated. I do not love him anymore and have actually gone on a couple of dates with another man (which DH knows about). What do I do? I’m in bits. I haven’t slept with the other man so there’s no dispute over paternity. I’m absolutely devastated. I know I have choices but if I tell my DH he will want to work on the relationship and I don’t think I can bring myself to do that after the affair. I can’t talk to anyone in real life because im scared of judgement. I’m so stupid.

You don't have to get back with him because you are pregnant even if he wants to. You are only obliged to allow him to be a Dad to the baby. Equally if you don't want the baby you have every right to end the pregnancy. Nobody can tell you what to do. Hope you are okay.

God that sounds horrible, break ups are messy and especially when you’re still living together - no judgement here. If you don’t want the child then don’t have the child, you’re early enough to have a lot of options. You also don’t need to tell your DH if you choose not to continue the pregnancy. Divorce is when you need to prioritise what’s best for you, and your other children, not what he wants.

You deserve to be with someone who is faithful and devoted to you. I hope the guy you started dating wants to be a supportive loving gentleman and a father. You being pregnant can be a wonderful opportunity for your new relationship. A real man views being a father is based solely on providing and love given to the child.

'I hope the guy you started dating wants to be a supportive loving gentleman and a father. You being pregnant can be a wonderful opportunity for your new relationship.'
Eh? If I were a man I would run a bloody mile! OP has been on a couple of dates with this guy and you now expect him to parent another man's child for the next 18+ years🤣 you are, quite simply, off your rocker!

Divorce and being betrayed by your partner is absolutely brutal OP. It’s not a linear journey, so no judgement here. In this situation, do exactly what you want and what is best for your existing children. Be ruthless in prioritising yourself, just as he was when he had an affair. If you want to keep the pregnancy, keep it. But if not, terminate and never look back. If it was my decision I would terminate without hesitation and I wouldn’t tell exH.

As you’ve been taking active steps to separate and move, are you sure he hasn’t engineered this to keep you under his control and leverage you to stay together?

How many other kids do you have and what are their ages?