How do you know it's the end of a marriage, when there hasn't been some definitive awful thing happen?
To set the scene a bit, we are middle-aged with old teen/young adult children all still at home. And I'm going to be honest here, I've not been at all easy to live with whilst going through the menopause the last 5 years. I'm pretty much out the other side now, but I think the damage is done. I'm just not really the same person anymore, and I don't think he likes who I am anymore.
That's just one thing though that's been like a background hum to the last 5 years - we've also delt with losing a parent each, him being made redundant twice and struggling to get a decent job since, meaning we have taken a huge salary hit, and we are both working 2 jobs each, including the weekends. It's been really hard and I became very depressed and anxious. In the last 2 years Ive been on anti-depressants and put on a lot of weight. And with all of that, our sex life has completely dwindled to nothing.
He was very ill recently (now recovered) and I cared for him whilst trying to keep everything else afloat. To be honest, I found it very hard. He really appreciated it at the time, said I deserved to be spoilt etc when he was better, but instead I feel like I'm just drowning in to-do lists now that he's better and he's signed off work till September so he's gone to Scotland to stay with his Mum for the rest of August.
To be honest I feel really lonely. He is terrible at communicating, but before he went to Scotland he said I never stop whining. I was v hurt because I had just spent weeks caring for him. I think it's true though, I do seem to complain a lot these days. I just find life as a midlife woman really bloody hard.
I feel like we are trapped together though as we have no money. It's not like him or I could go and live elsewhere. I do love him, as the father of our children, but I don't think it's more than that anymore, we are so different. But I would keep trying, if he committed to trying too.....but perhaps it's too late. I'd love to hear from anyone who might have been through anything similar or has any thoughts or advice.