Is anyone married to someone with executive dysfunction, and how do you manage?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Dh and I have a slew of issues which I won't go into here, but one thing I am finding very tough is that he cannot manage instigating or seeing through any tasks that are not in his normal "groove" or routine.

He is a SAHD and I am out a lot at work, so most house stuff falls to him - well in term at least.

There are certain things he "can do" like sorting the kids' meals or putting laundry on regularly.

There are certain things that he "can't do" like cleaning the loo, mowing the lawns, washing the cars, etc

I mostly manage by picking up all the "can't do" stuff on the weekend, although it's stressful as it's a big list so I'm never quite on top.

But anything "extra" or one-off that requires initiative is very tough to get done. For example, right now we are sorting out something to do with our fence with the neighbours. They are friendly and happy to work with us, but have asked us to come round for a quick chat some weekday, any day, before 6pm. This basically means DH as I'm at work.

It's been weeks, literally weeks. He cannot seem to organise himself to do it. It is really stressful as might cost us £££ and neighbours are getting annoyed.

Much love if you read this far.... I do not know if DH has exec dysfunction but it has occurred to me that he does. So I am wondering: are there approaches you can use to work with someone who functions like that, so that the things that need to get done.... well, get done?!

ADHD is a spectrum disorder. Just because you are familiar with one flavour, it doesn't mean you can call fake or criticise others who are on a different part of the spectrum.

This ^

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff get him seen by a psychiatrist
my DS is on an ADHD non-stimulant medication, he’s a different person when it comes to planning , anxiety and happiness

good luck x

You have been unhappy for years. Now you’re focussing on executive dysfunction as a possible reason for him being the ways he is. Things will only change for you when you finally wake up and have had enough of his incessant bs. Can’t clean the loo indeed. He sees that as your job, not his.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. Divorce is not failure op.

you lost me at window locks will need wd40 soon… if a woman posted that her husband had that on her to do list it would be LTB - it must be very oppressive meeting your standards

you lost me at window locks will need wd40 soon… if a woman posted that her husband had that on her to do list it would be LTB - it must be very oppressive meeting your standards

@Numnumbirdy it is not my to do list FOR HIM it is a list of stuff that needs doing for the house. Which we can then share. And yes you periodically need to oil locks, like once a year or so, or they can seize up. It's pretty normal house maintenance. Normally, I do that one in fact - like I also mow the lawn, wash the cars, repaint the fence etc etc.

We are looking actively at counselling but interesting the PP's point about him seeing a psych separately. I have tried suggesting before but might try again.

I think there are maybe different levels of executive function or dysfunction here. In an ideal world, people lubricate locks* and schedule smoke alarm replacement. Imperfect people in the real world don't do either of those. They deal with smoke alarms when they start beeping, and ignore window locks until they're stuck. Not sure when our car was last washed.

I'm not saying let everything go to shit. Just that a great many people have lower standards than this, and don't get diagnosed with anything.

OTOH, maybe those weren't the best examples, and his standards are a great deal lower than this!

*- albeit with graphite lube rather than WD40.

@myopinionis he left the smoke alarms with NO batts in for several months before I realised, instead of changing them.

Honestly I am not houseproud. If you could see the state of our living room.....!