I am still in shock and I cant seem to be upset/emotional just yet but I think and know it will hit me later on when things have quietened down.
This has come out of the blue, but its how he makes me feel in terms of inferior and always right, that its at the point I cant argue with him, feel beneath him and have to always walk out the room, time after time to create peace back into my life.
Myself and my partner have been fine this weekend just gone, came back from seeing his family down in London, drove back, got home, chilled on the sofa. We were pretty shattered and he said shall we just head up to bed and chill on the bed watch TV I said yes sounds good to me....
He said I just need to nip to the loo and will be back in sec, I said no problem at all.
10minutes later he comes out saying "you are dumped, I never want to see you again, you will never be in a relationship with me, you are unfaithful, you have not been honest only for me to say "what on earth are you going on about?!"
He showed me a picture of one of my male friends on facebook that I commented on his photo about 3 weeks ago saying you are looking good, so pleased you are still running and keeping well. ( this man I have been friends with since I was 17, went to school with him and he has been a recovering alcoholic but now sober 10 years and he runs to work on his thoughts and fears which he is now an exceptional runner). I am also a runner and use to meet up with him and just make sure he was ok, nothing sexual, or physical or emotional he has never had a girlfriend because he just cant, he cant relate whilst he is the way he is.
However he likes to meet up with friends etc. I said to my partner aww I was just making sure he was ok, this friend did put down, I would love to see you again for coffee xx but I never responded. I did tell my partner this to which he has forgotten clearly weeks ago and I told him I never initiated a coffee meet up either which is true.
I was left crying last night and he said you are not a victim stop playing that role?, he continued to say "I will be gone tomorrow and you can start dating whoever you like and I will personally go round your parents to let them know what is really going on!". He never did he slept in the other room.
I sat there on the bed thinking no, this isnt right, he isnt right, I cant have this in my life, I am now left feeling completely on the floor....I thought dont respond to him as he will get worse and shout more and scream at me, remove yourself from this, so I did. I got up and went to my friends house.
I went to bed and he sent me a huge apology message saying he felt bad, he isnt sure what to do, told me he has issues with insecurities and infidelity from his ex leaving him for someone else and his child too and that he will go and seek help and that its not fair on me and what i have to put up with, he asked for another chance and to seek help as he cant go on like this anymore. I havent responded.
Now this time around its the worst yet but I am not confident he will seek help, for me now I am not really wanting him around and want my own space and sanity back.
I went out to see friends and a lovely dog walk this morning. I am still in silent mode with him and I am not ready to say anything until I think more alone, I might speak to another person/third party to help me deal with this more, but I feel I am ready to chuck him out. Its making me walk on eggshells too much now. Whenever something is said he doesnt like, its a repeat pattern, not just relating to men/jealousy but he has to at the moment undermine me, over power me and make me feel inferior and Im on the floor in pieces.
Then when I want peace and walk out the room he tells me he feels scared of me? When Im silent because he doesnt know where he stands with me? (Im thinking its because he cant control me when Im this way?)
Im not too sure what this is exactly but the more something is said he doesnt like, he corrects me, he is right apparently and Im completely wrong and broken down until I walk away he then comes back saying sorry/crawling and wanting to fix things in his head no matter what the situation is....
I personally now dont feel this is right or healthy anymore, and feel i am dealing with a full blown bully or he cant control his rage/anger and insecurities and its taken out on me when he cant understand his own emotions. He is in his mid 50s and had 2 long term over 15 years relationships.
Im a little lost, is it just a case of get out now before it gets worse, sorry for the long essay I have only spoken to my close friend about this today and not let me parents know as I want to resolve myself and not burden anyone!!