Support please …. Gay grand daughter

[KoalaBlue1]

I’ve just been told by my daughter, that her 15 year old daughter has come out as Gay.
She told me in such a jokey way, I did not believe it at first.
I eventually realised it wasn’t a joke. And said I would support her, as long as she is happy, etc.
She is only 15, told her mum she has known since she was 10.
She now has a girlfriend.

I just worry for her future, How difficult it will be for her.
It really doesn’t surprise me, she’s never been a girly girl.
Also diagnosed as ADHD in the last year.

All she seems to do is eat, read, sleep, more sleep, school under sufferance and Scouts.
She has always been hard to communicate with. Won’t allow any kind of touch or hugs.
It is not the first in family. Hubby’s sister is gay. Now in her 70’s and happily married.
But saw the struggles she went through in the 70’s, 80’s.
She hid it from her own mother, never openly talking about her relationship until her, mother passed away in her 90’s
Please give me some hope that times have changed and she will not face these difficulties. I just want the best for Dear Granddaughter.
But I also worry she is too young to be in a relationship.

Well it's no longer the 70s and most people generally dont care about someone else's sexuality. Thankfully those days are long over.

Exactly this. She will be fine.

Like the previous poster said, things have moved on and people are more used to gay people. It’s not the big deal it once was.

Thank you

15 is a normal age for teens to be having their first girlfriend or boyfriend, whether they are straight or gay.

Times clearly have changed as your GD hasn't felt the need to hide her sexuality at all.

And eat, sleep, read, school, hobby is pretty normal for teens And now she has added girlfriend into the mix.

She's exactly the same as before you were told she is gay. No change to either of your lives. No one will bat an eyelid.

There have always been homophobes around, and there still are, but young people of your granddaughters age are generally accepting. They're also pretty good with neurodivergent people.
I think she'll be fine

Yes, as above things are so different now. It really isn’t like it was even in the 80s or 90s. Especially with the last couple of generations, apart from the usual narrow minded idiots and bigots that come out in any “different” lifestyle they don’t understand, majority of people don’t even give it a thought let alone have a problem with it. I’ve never understood even the need to “come out”, in so far as straight people don’t have to come out and neither should anyone else. And I hope we get to the point where people no longer feel that they have to come out at all and just carry on in the way that the rest of the population get to. But then I’m not keen on labels in general anyway.

Things have come such a long way. In the 70s, people could still remember when it was illegal to have homosexual relationships. Still makes my head spin that gay marriage has only been legalised in my lifetime! I don’t think she’ll experience the same level of stigma as people used to. It’s not perfect but it’s much better than it used to be. She’d still be able to get married if she wants to, have a family..
It sounds like your granddaughter has a strong sense of self. I’m sure statistically same sex relationships are more likely neurodivergent folks. Things like not liking to be touched, being withdrawn are likely to be down to her ADHD. She might find it a bit easier later in life. School creates enormous pressure whereas later studies into something you love or finding work that she enjoys may ease some of that.
I’m in my 40s, late diagnosed ADHD and Autistic and I’m much happier in my 40s - I don’t put myself in situations that make me highly comfortable, I can do physical contact on my terms. With some therapy and adjustments, I’m a happy adult, when I really struggled as a teen 🙂

Echoing other posters - times have definitely changed! 15 is very normal for a first boyfriend/girlfriend (as is a lot of sleeping). It’s great that she’s come out, and it sounds like she has a lovely family - she’s going to be just fine.

Oh, and 15 is a perfectly normal age to have girlfriends/boyfriends, regardless of sexuality.
eta, the rest does sound a lot like general teenage behaviour sometimes, and in fact maybe the fact she’s been holding this in and that she has now felt able to come out might make her happier overall, and perhaps might have contributed a bit to that.

What do you think she should be doing in addition to going to school, scouts, and reading?

She will be fine- and we can all be grateful to the brave souls who fought for gay rights back in the 60s 70s and 80s. She is a lucky girl having a thoughtful and supportive grandmother in her life too.
I have four children- one of whom is gay. I worry about that child the same amount as the rest (ie all the time!)

Not being touchy and being hard to communicate with has nothing to do with her being gay, that’s just her at 15. Times have moved on and she will be fine, you just need to be supportive and understanding as you hopefully always have been. Coming out and having a girlfriend at 15 is absolutely fine and normal, try and put this worry out of your mind like something is going wrong.

Maybe watch Here we go - lovely grandma and gay grand daughter in that

hugging isn’t everyone’s thing - personal space and boundaries so leave that alone for sure

I’m gay. I’ve got a child (born through IVF) who has 2 mums and none of us has ever faced any bigotry at all. Your granddaughter will be just fine

the fact that she's told her mum at all shows the difference in how things have changed, and that her mum told you in a jokey way without making it a big deal even more so. It's really not unusual or a big deal anymore. I'd imagine several of her friends in school are gay.

In what way do you think it will be difficult for her? She's already in a very different situation from your husband's Dsis, with all her family knowing. It's not like it will affect any possible career or not, half the lionesses are gay/bi.

I'm not going to suggest she'll never face any issues at all, homophobia still exists. But I think you need to re-examine some of your own internalised issues tbh. Your comment reads as her being gay is yet another thing you think is 'wrong' with her - not being girly, sleeping too much, not liking school - but all those things are just very normal teenage things.

She has at least 2 hobbies, 1 of them active (reading and scouts), and clearly friends if she's got a girlfriend - what else do you expect her to be doing? What did you do when you were 15 that she isn't doing? What did her mum do?

Same with being too young - didn't you/her mum have boyfriends at 15? It's a very normal age for a first relationship/

15 is a perfectly normal age to have boyfriends/girlfriends.

I'm not really understanding your comment about eating, sleeping, school and scouts.
What's that got to do with your worries about her being gay? What else do you think she should be doing?

There are sadly still homophonic people about but it is a much more accepting society now, especially among young people.
Where I work we have female couples who live together and one couple who have gone through IVF and had a baby and no one bats an eyelid.

She sounds like a perfectly ordinary 15 year old girl, tbh 😉

She hasn't changed. You just know something new about her now. That's all.

It might be something new for you to get your head around (and I think that's probably partly your reason for posting - that sense of 'saying it out loud' making it real and processsing this new thing you've learnt about her).

But she is who she has always been. She will be fine.

Hey there. I'm a lesbian with ADHD. I came out in my early 20's and I'm 31 now. I'm happily married with a one year old baby girl. I'm very nerdy, but have tons of friends. No one at work cares. My friends have been 100% supportive. The only person who was ever cruel to me about it was my dad. I don't even think about my sexuality much tbh. It's the least interesting part of me.

Otherwise, he only time I get harassed sometimes for my sexuality is by drunk men on nights out, but straight women experience shit from drunk men too.

It will be fine. I'm not saying homophobia doesn't exist (as it certainly does around the world), but it's rare to encounter it openly in the UK.

Times have changed a lot. I didn't know a single queer woman at school. There were no lesbian icons. Now we have openly out singers, actresses, etc, and it helps. Public acceptance has shifted significantly.

I love being gay. I like the sense of community, and I think there is something special about women loving women relationships. I also like not having to sift through shit men to find a decent one 😂

I have two lesbian cousins and several lesbian friends. Literally noone cares. In fact they all have great careers, a couple are married with children. They have great lives. Being lesbian has not impacted their lives at all.
Career wise, I have worked with a number of lesbian women and they seem to do really well in their careers. Maybe becuase they don't have a man taking up headspace and not sharing the load at home

Only a minority unhinged bigots care about people's sexuality these days. She'll be grand

OP with the greatest respect you're part of the problem...'support please...' I mean WTAF? It's 2025, no one will bat an eyelid or care. She will be fine...just be her biggest supporter and advocate, that will be enough.

Thank you all for putting my mind at rest.
Being older, I’ve really only seen what it was like before people began to accept our differences.
I have probably lived a sheltered life.
And feel protective in case of bullying.
We recently had a nice outing together at a pancake restaurant. Maybe time for another.

The fact you have posted in a forum asking for "support" because your granddaughter is attracted to girls is one of the reasons why people still feel like they need to "come out" 😔

I'm not sure who she fancies or kisses affects you or anyone else. She sounds like a regular teenager.