Unreasonable | Mumsnet

Itsmekerr · 2025-08-10T04:50:59+00:00

just had first baby a week ago, partner asked if he could play Xbox is this normal behaviour or am I overthinking it?

DoRayMeMeMe · 10/08/2025 05:51

You’re overthinking

Cliffedge25 · 10/08/2025 06:08

personally I would be very very annoyed at this.

My concern is why they think it’s ok to do this at all right now and how much they think it will be ok to do now they have a child.

We were consumed with what we needed to do for our baby then child, our “wants” didn’t come into the picture at all especially in the first few months.

But then we are not gamers. The same could be said of an hobby though, I’d be annoyed and say absolutely no, why are you even honking about yourself when you have 2 people relying on you to be present and to fucking contribute to the care of your new baby?

Cliffedge25 · 10/08/2025 06:09

“Honking”! Ha!! Meant thinking!

Zanatdy · 10/08/2025 06:13

I guess life is very busy and hectic right now, but is good to still continue with hobbies. I guess the question is how long he will be on it, 1hr fine, 4-5hrs not.

Beachtastic · 10/08/2025 09:05

Cliffedge25 · 10/08/2025 06:09

“Honking”! Ha!! Meant thinking!

I think "honking" worked even better 🤣

Gamers be gamers, OP. If it's his occasional down time that's OK, but watch out for him disappearing for hours...

YesHonestly · 10/08/2025 09:07

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him asking if he can take some time out for something he enjoys/classes as a hobby.

I’m not a gamer, but understand a lot of people are and get enjoyment from it.

Just make sure you’re getting an hour to have a hot bath/read a book/do something you enjoy too.

millymollymoomoo · 10/08/2025 09:10

What’s the issue?

if its just a general hobby with a hour or so here and there its perfectly normal. Life can and should continue even with a small baby. You can both continue hobbies.

If he’s playing all night every night thats a problem.

YodasHairyButt · 10/08/2025 09:10

As long as he’s going to let you have a bit of downtime too, what’s the problem? If he’s planning to shut himself away online for hours at a time, leaving you with the baby then that’s not fair, but a small break can do you both good as long as it’s reciprocated and fair.

Eenameenadeeka · 10/08/2025 09:15

I think in small amounts it's fine, it's just a hobby to relax - the same as watching a film or reading a book. So long as he is not ignoring you or baby, or neglecting things that need doing

Changingplace · 10/08/2025 09:19

I don’t think within reason this is an issue, if he wanted to go to the gym for an hour, sit and read a book, or watch a film I don’t see what the problem would be, so it seems odd to have a problem because it’s playing on an Xbox, assuming he’s not going to spend hours/days on end doing nothing but that?

If you want some downtime to do what you want to can you do that? As long as you’re both getting some time I don’t see why this is an immediate problem.

Changingplace · 10/08/2025 09:22

Cliffedge25 · 10/08/2025 06:08

personally I would be very very annoyed at this.

My concern is why they think it’s ok to do this at all right now and how much they think it will be ok to do now they have a child.

We were consumed with what we needed to do for our baby then child, our “wants” didn’t come into the picture at all especially in the first few months.

But then we are not gamers. The same could be said of an hobby though, I’d be annoyed and say absolutely no, why are you even honking about yourself when you have 2 people relying on you to be present and to fucking contribute to the care of your new baby?

I think this is an overreaction, people are allowed to have hobbies and children at the same time, OP hasn’t suggested she can’t take some time for herself or that he will spend hours/days on end doing nothing but his hobby.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 10/08/2025 09:22

Absolutely its fine. Its important when you have a new baby to make sure you take care of yourselves too. If an hours gaming is going to just allow him to chill out then its fine, just as its fine for you to take a little time for yourself to have a bath, read a book etc..

I think as long as your baby is having their needs met and is being taken care of, the chores are being done, and both of you are a team and pulling your weight then its fine to do your own thing for a little while.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 10/08/2025 09:28

Cliffedge25 · 10/08/2025 06:08

personally I would be very very annoyed at this.

My concern is why they think it’s ok to do this at all right now and how much they think it will be ok to do now they have a child.

We were consumed with what we needed to do for our baby then child, our “wants” didn’t come into the picture at all especially in the first few months.

But then we are not gamers. The same could be said of an hobby though, I’d be annoyed and say absolutely no, why are you even honking about yourself when you have 2 people relying on you to be present and to fucking contribute to the care of your new baby?

Really?

Your whole life shouldn't stop when you have children.

Yes, okay, you now have this little person who needs you for everything and your whole life priorities change. But why does that mean you have to give up all the things you like to do and any hobbies you have?

If you are a good team, and have good support around you, then there is no reason why you can't have both. Its called compromise and give and take. My DH and I would each take some time to do our own thing while the other took care of the baby for a little while. Sometimes that would be going for a run, having a hot bath, reading a book or sometimes simply just catching up on sleep.

It made sure we were not stressed and made us better parents as we had our own downtime.

You have to look after yourself too, even though baby will always come first. I don't think baby consuming every waking moment and every thought and need is that healthy personally. A happy less stressed parent is a better parent.