Thank you all for being so kind and understanding 🥰 I was worried posting this as it’s such an awkward and difficult thing to talk about. I find that some people don’t get it because “that’s your brother/Mum/Dad” etc and unless they’ve been through it, or seen someone they know and care about go through it, it’s just so hard to “get” because your Mum is supposed to be your safe space and the one who loves you unconditionally but that’s not who my Mother is to me.
I have a thousand stories of all the horrible things my Mum has said and done to me over the years and I know, hand on heart I’ve tried to make it work and have her in my life but it doesn’t work and it causes more harm than good and I have to protect DS - sadly my Mum is the eternal victim in every situation (especially those she creates) and growing up with her has made me think I’m wrong even though deep down I know I’m not. There was a lot of “I never said that” or “you took that the wrong way” and “you’re too sensitive” etc throughout my life with her. So disappointingly my Dad blindly protects her and takes her side. He once told me that they were a package deal and I couldn’t have a relationship with him, without her.
I don’t like being estranged. I thought I would feel relief or free but that hasn’t happened. It’s horrible knowing that they don’t care about me at all.
DS hasn’t seen my parents since Christmas. To be nice I invited them to our house on Xmas day for a few hours so they could see him and that was fine and then…..nothing, no attempt to see DS or even a “hey how is DS?” Text message - until a horrible text message in early April stating that I was evil for keeping him away from them!
I pointed out that they had made no effort to see him in 3 months so how exactly was I keeping him from them? And you can imagine the vitriol, spiteful comments I received back. I called her a narcissist, said she should get some help and blocked her and My Dad.
DS hasn’t mentioned them since Christmas. If he did I would tell him that they were unkind to Mummy and we weren’t going to see them until they say sorry (I think that’s the best thing to do? He’s only 5 so it’s so hard to explain and I don’t want to lie to him)
I don’t know if DS would recognise them if they saw him and I don’t think they’ll be showing up at his school regularly - maybe just sports days and star of the week assemblies etc. DS has never met my brother, he doesn’t even know that I have one so that’s not an issue and I can’t imagine my brother or his wife would tell their child about me or DS.
I didn’t mean to drip feed but was a bit all over the place yesterday that I didn’t mention in my OP that my DS is on the Pathway and whilst he’s doing great in School, he does have an EHCP and can be emotional with change so I am really loathe to move schools.
I also feel a bit like “Why should I?” my brother would have known through our Mum that my DS is at that School, so he and his wife obviously made a decision to send their child there regardless, so why should we uproot ourselves? I’d love to move to the other end of the country to just not be near any of them but our jobs are here, DH’s family is here and it is my home too.
I just hate how awkward it was yesterday and it feels so uncomfortable to pointedly ignore someone when essentially we were sat on the next table.
Another big worry I have is DS is going into YR1 which is a mix of YR1 & YR2. What if they mix YR1 & YR2 next year and the kids are in the same class! I was going to ask the Head for a meeting when they go back in Sept and explain (give a brief overview stating we’re estranged and it’s difficult and not go into full details) and make the School aware so that if there is a mixing of years next year, they know to put DS and brothers child in different classes? Or is that a terrible idea?
Also - for those who are estranged from their family, how do you cope with the disappointment and pain of being estranged? I know it’s the right thing but it does bother me and I do feel angry/sad/disappointed that this is the situation.