How to introduce boyfriend to Daughter

[MummyofoneT]

Hi am hoping for some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, I split up with my husband almost 2 years ago, we have a 50/50ish arrangement. I'm trying to think of a way to introduce him to my 9 year old daughter, I haven't done it until now partly as I wanted to give my daughter time to get used to the idea (I told her about him a few months and because my ex is emotionally abusive & has said he doesn't want any of my 'boyfriends' around his daughter (yes the plural is there to try and piss me off as usual!)

She is quite shy with new people & I don't want it to be a situation that puts pressure on either of them. Do you think it would be a good idea to have my parents there so she can also talk to them so it's less pressure?. Trying to think of an activity where she could also be doing that but need some ideas!.

Hiya. I think you’ve approached it in the right way and left it a good amount of time. I was in this situation and used to bring him up in conversations so they knew he was a part of my life as well but I also left it a year. We went to crazy golf and took their scooters to the park. So they had their space and wasn’t made to sit and talk to him like would be if went for something to eat, it actually went really well and they loved him and was asking him to play and help at golf. I hope it goes well for you too.

edited to add I personally wouldn’t have parents there as might make him feel under pressure.

I agree with PP. Do something that doesn't require much interaction at first. Maybe go to the cinema with you sitting in the middle, her and him on each side. Maybe have him drop by for a cup of tea one afternoon. Then next time stay a bit longer.

Can you go on an outing with your parents like to the zoo or somewhere like that shecwould enjoy. Sitting in a room together would be very hard.

I think this is very good advice and quite a sensible way to approach this.

Is there any need to?

I have been with someone heading for 2 years, and he has very briefly met one (she had to give me something whilst I was with him). Mine are teenagers and I see no reason to force it. They are never going to be living together, do it can all happen at a very unhurried pace.

Thank you for the suggestions, yes cinema is a good idea although there isn't much on! To be honest I'm not in a rush and I do talk about him so she knows he's part of my life. I feel like he wants to meet her though but it's hard when she's an only child so isn't in the same boat as anyone else if you see what I mean.

I wouldn’t. There isn’t any need to do this.