What would you do if you found out you’ve been cheated on but years ago.

[Mazz1986]

So met my husband, at 17 years old he was 19,
We were together a year and broke up briefly, couple of months and then got back together, I got pregnant and while I was pregnant I found out that he had been cheating on me (before I was pregnant) and that’s why he broke it off with me, he was with her for a while , meeting up, going out together when he told me he was out with the boys, then split with me and got with her properly , went away on holidays etc , then she was with my husband and mutual friends of mine and my husbands , they had been drinking at a house party at hers and infront of loads of people he was hanging around her and some guy was trying to get into her she snapped and shouted at my husband asking why was he even there and they arnt together never have been, and not to go around acting like they are boyfriend and girlfriend, apparently he left with his friend , he then got back with me and just said that he missed me,

So while I was pregnant, I find out about places they had been and rugby matches that he went to when he cancelled plans with me
He said sorry and that he hadn’t done anything that they were just friends then , and he split up with me not for that reason, and just started dating her afterwards. but obviously over time I realised they wasn’t, I would bring up things after finding out they had been places overnight , lies he told not to be with me,
I would bring things up and then it was always —
“it’s in the past” ,
“” we can’t keep going over this”

He would never cheat now, he is very devoted, this was over 20 years ago,
I never had him tell me what really happened, he says he can’t remember much of it now,
I always felt second best. Second choice. I wanted another baby for years and he never did,
I feel like I got pregnant and he got stuck with me. What do I do it plays on my mind sometimes. How can I let it go.

I don’t know why, I didn’t want to upset anyone. I didn’t give her my back card she made me give it to my partner because men deal with the money.
my family wasn’t around, my dad was unwell with cancer and I didn’t want to cause any drama,
he didn’t want a second child and do it all over again, we were renting for years and he never felt stable. Which I think it because he went without as a child.
I met him when I was 17, got pregnant at 18 moved in with them and had my son at 19 and my husband was 21. Things got better but we never discussed how things were before. I just need to stop dwelling on the past and realised he was just controlled by his mother.

I think I do hold trauma for what it was like living there.
she kept saying I should have had an abortion and I took her son away.
but then my husband would never stick up for me, she would randomly start talking about his ex and how nice they were.
said how his grandmother wouldn’t have liked me if she was alive.
said things like I didn’t have a clue about having a baby. Everything I did was as wrong.
When things were better he proposed and she wasn’t happy, she said she is wearing black to my wedding I thought it was a joke and she did.
I avoid her now.
I made it without having to go to unit, we are mortgage free now and my husband could retire
I just needed to get all this off my chest i think.
I may just talk to him tonight and tell him that it was awful, and I need him to , not apologise, just to recognise it was bad.

Wow- he could retire at 41?

Must have made a small fortune.

Was it a family business?

You keep writing UNIT by the way for uni.

He brought a haulage business then expanded to shipping container hire.
I opened a small business doing external cleaning and maintenance 9 years ago working within construction.
Sorry it’s my predictive text.

He brought a haulage business then expanded to shipping container hire.
I opened a small business doing external cleaning and maintenance 9 years ago working within construction.
Sorry it’s my predictive text.

I see.
I don't think you are happy at all. You wanted another child and he didn't. He seems selfish.

It’s just something he never wanted, I don’t really know why,
my sister doesn’t want kids and her husband accepted it, my other sister wanted more kids and her husband couldn’t cope, and had depression ,
there’s always going to be a looser either way.
he is now , extremely selfless.
if I made him choose a baby or I leave it would be a baby every time,
I just would never force him, I would want him to want it. I wish I could go back in time when I was younger and healthier and told him how I felt and how important it was for me to have a baby and talk about what it was like first time around.

I think he treated you disgustingly and so did his family. Even if it was a long time ago it sounds like the problem isn't so much that he was seeing someone else, but that he has made you feel second best and undervalued lots of times...and wtf is his mum taking your stuff and locking you in a room all about?!
However, you can't live like this. You're happy with him now so you need to get over it or you'll make both of your lives a misery! Could you speak to the GP about Talking Therapy? You might benefit from some CBT and learning how to change your thoughts about it all. Good luck x