Ducks in a Row

[Namechangetheyarewatching]

A friend confided in us, on Thursday evening, that she caught her husband kissing their friend.

He now wants to leave his wife of 40yrs, as he hasn't been happy in years. BUT nothing to do with the friend, as they are just friends!!!

We've all heard that one before eh...

Anyway, wife is distraught, I've bought her the book Shirley Glass, Not just good friends and want to give her a list of things to get in order.

He sold his pension and invested all the money somewhere, they have two properties which they have put up for sale.

He said he doesn't want to go through a solicitor as they can sort it out amongst themselves, I've told her to get a solicitor, as he is not your friend.

What practical things can I get her to do....we need a list.

Yes she need a list,
1/ find information on all financial stuff / saving, other pensions, isa, cars,
2/ keep anything she's doing close to her chest tell him very little
3/ solicitor first of all, again keep it to herself,
4/ plan exit, were, when,

Never never do ' we can sort it out ourselves 'big no no,
5/ keep any documents, passport, wedding certificate, bank statements anything of importance, deeds to properties, anything and everything like this in a safe place,

Say very little ( grey rock ) if needs be,
He's definitely no friend,

Thank you

I will give her the book, then ask her to do all that stuff.

I know women post really good advice all the time, but it would be good to have it in one place.

Anyone

Usually the thread is full of questions and really good advice.

It’s perfectly possible to do it themselves without being ripped off. Any decent solicitor would encourage mediation, discussion, negotiation and compromise between them. That does not mean simply allowing him to dictate . The key is knowing what’s in the pot and understanding the principles for fair division in the eyes of the law.

she can and should seek guidance from
a laywer or two even if they then agree to do most themselves.

inknow many people , myself included, who have done it without much laywer intervention. Depends on circumstances

He is basically saying it's 50/50 which it probably will be given their ages, 50's, she is a bit older and the OW is younger.

But he is saying 50/50 of the houses, I don't think he has factored in the investments and any savings .

They have grown up children x 2, but they aren't taking sides and she is very nieve and just wants a place to live.

I've said she needs all documentation or copy's of

Spoke to my DH, the husband is 67 and wife a bit older, actually as he is retired and she wanted him to spend more time with her doing things.

Apparently this is now construed as "nagging" him, but he spends a lot of time with his hobby and this other woman, playing the white night.

I'm wondering if this thread would be better in divorce/separation?

She needs to get a solicitor. She will be entitled to have some of his pension, so if he put that in investments that will be included.
My sister and another friend are going through the same thing. It is very complicated and she will be entitled to more than want her husband thinks. He is in for a real shock! My BIL was not at all happy and my friend was completely shock he was having to give over some his pension.
Please to get her to get legal advice as when investment are involved it very complicated.
She needs to completely ‘grey rock’ him as previous poster said. He is not her friend and when money is involved will turn quite nasty!

she needs proper legal advice, with grown up kids and a long marriage, presumably she should be entitled to a 50/50 split of everything, houses, savings, pension.

I'm going to find her a solicitor and offer to go with her.

I'm assuming she needs to find
Birth certificate
Marriage certificate
Bank details
Investment statements
Pension
Mortgage statements
Passport

Yes as others have said, it’s not just 50/50 of properties.
It’s pensions and savings etc.

Yes, she will need all those things. Everything she can find that is to do with anything financial. They will tell her if she needs anything else.
Also if she reluctant and thinks it will cause a fuss, remind her she not only doing it for herself but her adult children’s inheritance. Once he takes up with another women and if they marry, all his money goes to her new wife. My sister main concern was making sure there was enough money for all the of them to live off (her kids are younger) as OW was already spending their joint money before the divorce, on some lovely holidays!!!

The situation is he has found a new lover and wants to make the divorce simple because he’s already checked out. He has NO desire to lose a penny more than he can get away with so this is exactly the situation where a solicitor is required. He knows the financials. The OP doesn’t.
he’s will ‘forget’ some of them to reduce the asset pot.

OP do NOT let your friend do anything without legal representation. The more he resists, the more proof he is trying to fleece her

Yes she is ‘a friend’. The sort of friend he kisses and has sex with

Thank you

Should she stop the selling of the houses?

Edit, it's all moving a bit fast

Yes!! She should definitely put it all on hold until she gets legal advice. She needs to go asap.

Yes legal advice asap.
Where has he invested the money from his pension? I bet he has set up a leaving fund somewhere and I would put selling the properties on hold until she has spoken with a solicitor.