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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner living on his own

1 reply

Mepol23 · 08/08/2025 21:49

My partner was a carer for his mother who passed away a few months ago and he lived with her. The first 8 days she had gone I stayed at his and then I made it 4 days and now it’s 5 days. I don’t want to live with him full time because I want to save up while still with my parents.

It does worry me he gets lonely as I went away to see family for 8 days and he struggled because he has isolated himself off from friends the last few years due to his health issues and his relatives were abroad. He hardly saw anyone.

I go about 1pm on a Friday from his and am back on Sunday about midday. The problem is I feel I don’t have me time anymore as all my stuff is at my house such as reading books etc. My brother has been recovering from an operation elsewhere and will be home soon. We are quite close and he will struggle only seeing me one day a week as my parents can be unsupportive.

I feel stretched at times and want to please everyone but can’t.

My partner’s relatives saw him a lot after his mom passed but just before he went on holiday his aunt said she is fed up of her adult kids coming round with the grandkids everyday. She said there is no time anymore with her and her husband. This is true, they are always there. I sense she was hinting she don’t want him coming round all the time either.

My partner has daughters but they have cancelled on him recently at the last minute for an ‘better offer’ and this has upset him because he doesn’t see them often and he feels unwanted. It’s not my business but to be dropping a parent like that without regards he is going through a bereavement isn’t nice.

I wish my partner’s health would recover and he could work full time and make new friends as that would make me at ease that I haven’t got to be there all the time.

It’s just wearing that my partner and brother have mental health issues but I can’t be there 24/7.

OP posts:
TheSilentSister · 08/08/2025 22:17

Some of what you wrote is a bit difficult to unpick but from what I gather, you live with your parents and your 'partner' lived alone with his DM who passed.
Now he's doing a guilt trip on you as no one else wants to be with him/visit.
You don't seem to have any plans on living together as you state you want to say to buy your own home. So, you need to spell it out to him. You don't want to live with him now or in the immediate future, that you need your own space.
I know he's going through a tough time OP but it's not on you to make up for his loss of company. You can be firm but remain sympathetic/supportive etc.

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