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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sharing the driving

32 replies

SereneOpalMember · 08/08/2025 08:27

Hi, I have a partner who insists I share the driving 50/50 when we are on holiday and generally.

I live in the UK and am originally from Australia. I have a driving licence but didn’t need to use it as got the tube/public transport for 20 years. When I went back to Australia, I drove.

We have a second car that we both use but is mostly mine as he has a fancy sports car that is way too powerful for me. My partner and I have been going to Europe every year and he has driven in his car. I have felt too nervous to drive. He is a nervous passenger that makes things worse. I drive my car (we paid 50/50 for it as he uses it too but he considers it mine) to work and trips I am confident with. I am getting more confident as time goes on.

He is a rock climber and insisted I drive the car down the mountain in Switzerland as well as splitting the driving around Europe for a month. I do think it is fair for me to do some of the driving and I am happy to do so on the motorways and in quiet countryside places. So far I have driven him down from this horrible mountain with narrow roads where cyclists appear in huge bunches everywhere.One cyclist was on his phone and scraped along the side of my car. Luckily he was fine and I was going slow but it affected my confidence.

My partner is a nervous and impatient passenger. He shouts if I make a mistake and mansplains the road rules. When I went under the speed limit when it was raining on the motorway he went ballistic. We have an 8 hour trip coming up and I am doing 4 hours of it. I am dreading it. I hate driving in Italy as a passenger but that is coming up with me driving. He is insisting more and more that I drive in built up areas where I am scared. Any advice?

OP posts:
CheesusChristSuperstar · 08/08/2025 16:39

Wouldn't it be nicer to go on gorgeous holidays on your own, without the stress of this man? I've been on a few on my own with One Traveller and Solos Holidays and they were wonderful, plus no driving!

I'm a fairly confident driver but I won't drive in Europe or America. Tried it once, hated it, not doing it again and that's my line in the sand. If a holiday involves driving abroad, I'm not going. (I am married, husband is going on a driving holiday to Europe next month and taking a friend because I have refused to go, because what's the point if I won't enjoy it?! Nope, nope, nopety nope).

FinallyHere · 08/08/2025 16:44

He really sounds awful. I would not be going on holiday with him, never mind d being grateful he ‘treats’ you to this holidays. Some treat.

Vaxtable · 08/08/2025 16:44

Next time he shouts or makes a comment you pull over and tell him to drive. If he refuses you tell him his comments stop or you won’t be driving any more

if he starts again you pull over and tell him to drive and this time mean it

SereneOpalMember · 08/08/2025 16:57

Absolutely I will do the above. I like the solo holiday idea too! Used to do many solo trips not car related and loved it!At the moment we live in different cities as I keep putting off moving for many reasons including a great job and friends. But that’s another story I won’t get into now!

OP posts:
Wrenjay · 08/08/2025 16:58

Tell him in no uncertain terms you will put gaffer tape over his mouth and eyes if he doesn't shut up and let you do the driving. Buy it from hardware or diy shop and have it in the car. He will not be held responsible if you are driving and have an accident: It is your responsibility totally when driving and he is making you nervous. Nervous drivers are a danger.

Dweetfidilove · 08/08/2025 17:51

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 08/08/2025 14:19

Are you only with this wanker because he has a flash car and pays for your holidays?

Sounds like he offers nothing else.

FinallyHere · 08/08/2025 18:29

Good point.

anytime he comments negatively on your driving stop and refuse to continue until he stops. You will only have to do it once. Even better plan your own holidays without him.

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