Please can I have opinions on this situation:
So me F58 WFH Mon- Friday 9-5, my partner M62 also WFH Mon-Friday 8-4.
I get up at 7, make coffee for us both, open curtains, sort food for the day ie out of freezer or in slow cooker etc, out a wash on, ( most days) empty dishwasher, tidy bins, general tidy up in house. Log on to work in my office and stay there until 5.
my partner opens his eyes at 8:01 - logs on from his phone, stays in bed, scrolls on his phone ( some work related items) then goes to his office. In between meetings he then lies on the bed, watches TV and then logs off at 4, has a full on nap until I finish work at 5.
I then would start getting on with the evening jobs, putting the washing away, dinner, closing blinds, etc etc
I was starting to get resentful at this and a bit overwhelmed, not because I can’t do it but because I didn’t and don’t want to end up taking on all the invisible labour load as I have done in my past relationships.
So adopting the “let them” theory, I decided to take an hour to myself and lie on the bed from 5-6pm. But guess what… my partner just remained in the bed as well. Watching his TV stuff.
so last night things came to ahead. He was going out at 6:30 for an hour and half, fine no problem. He can do dinner early, he goes out, I get time to myself and finish off the day watching our program we like together. But, I finish at 5, dishes in sink, washing in dryer, bins need to go out for collection, his dry cleaning needs collecting before 5;30.
I go upstairs and say, oh you finished at 4 but have waited for me to finish work, so I can do all the jobs in my time. His answer was, why does everything have to be done on your prescription. The bins only half full and don’t need collecting ( so effectively not emptied for a month) and he wouldn’t do the things I choose to do ie open curtains if he’s not downstairs as it isn’t important. I was trying to say, I don’t want to have a row, just if you could be more proactive in the house. He then bangs on how he does the “long” cooking ie a roast dinner and I do “short” - so he spends more time cooking than me. I replied you have a counter argument for everything - but the point remains the same, you knew you were going out, dinner needed to be made and some jobs around the house. So he did the bits I mentioned- but my point was I shouldn’t have to ask for them to be done. He then got back late, made dinner - “a short dinner” 😤- which I had the for sight to cook and organise the day before. Very strained evening and tip toeing around each other today. It just shouldn’t feel like this much hard work at our ages!!
So should I just let things slide and it’s a me problem or is he not proactive on the daily and should be more aware of what’s going on in the house?