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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH has great job oppty and want to go expat and I don't - what is wrong with me

1 reply

MizZan · 28/05/2008 20:51

DH got offered his dream job with a great package. unfortunately it is in asia. we have lived there pre-kids and while I like it, I am feeling sick at the idea of moving there now. we have already taken this year to try out life in my own home country - DH got a job here and so did I so we came here with 2 dcs to try to make a go of it. It has not worked out well and plan B was to go back to the UK, where we were in fact very happy and could give the kids a good quality of life. Now this new opportunity has come up, DH really wants to do it, and I really do not. It would be better for us financially but I'm feeling I can't face moving somewhere new again and going to a place where I will have no job, no friends, and no family around. DC1 was already disrupted by our move to my home country and I think would be very happy to move back to the UK, where he could go back to his old school and his old friends, whereas if we went to Asia it would again be something temporary and very alien.

is there any solution here. am I just being selfish and/or short-sighted. I'm trying to see this DH's way but am feeling black every time I think about it. part of it is guilt over my own family (mom/sis) who don't even know we're thinking of leaving - I cannot imagine saying to them "we're going to Asia" - half a world away. I know they will be upset and not at all supportive. just going on here but if anyone has advice I would love to hear it.

OP posts:
mrsshapelybottom · 28/05/2008 21:19

We are ex-pat although closer to home. Even this has been a struggle for us. We are much better off financially than we would have been in the UK but we have to use every reserve of energy we have to raise our family with no support. I think if you are going to be there for a number of years then you will be able to build up a support network for yourself. I'm really not sure with hindsight if we made the right move - it was at the time the only option for us but it's been very difficult for me in particular. I'd give anything to have my family close by. However flights being cheap is helping with regards family visits.

Perhaps start by writing a list of the pros and cons and work from there - it's not something you can take lightly - how would your DH feel about staying in his current job - would he be content to stay if needs be or could the stress of him being unhappy make life harder for you for different reasons than moving to Aisa?

Not much help sorry!

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