Lack of intimacy and cheating

[Timemachinet]

Hi MN
I’m feeling a wreck lately. Me and dp had our second baby 4 months ago and there’s been a huge lack of intimacy for a while, but even worse since baby. It’s been a stressful time since baby , due to dp losing his job, using the savings and my mat pay. He’s secured a great new job which involves working away Mon - Friday back Friday night so we get the weekend together. However I was hoping we’d get our intimacy and sex life back on track but doesn’t seem possible now as he’ll be away a lot. I don’t feel wanted or loved, we don’t have sex and I want to feel desired. What kills me the most is I keep replaying in my mind when I caught him texting another woman, in a flirty , sexual manner a year ago and remembering he never speaks to me in this way. I’ve just acted desperate infront of him, crying and asking why he doesn’t speak to me in this manner, it’s ended in a row. I feel like an idiot. I should just see the signs right? He’s not doing it because he doesn’t want to. Any advice?

I'm so sorry OP. I'd say he's probably cheating, and if not then he will be once he's working away. At the very least he sounds like he's mentally checked out.

I went to bed feeling overwhelmed and while laying in bed he was in the garden having a cigarette and tried to initiate sexting with me, I went along with it for a couple messages then he came up to the bedroom and we slept together. This morning I woke up to more flirty messages.
Why is he doing this now after I lose my shit and breakdown infront of him? I see this pattern that he only seems to change when I’ve really had enough and at the end of my tether and then reverts back to the same old ways. He thinks we’re all OK now, he’s making a concious effort to text me throughout the day today and be flirty on the phone then said he thinks we got into a rut and habit of no intimacy but it’s been fun being flirty and sleeping together again. I feel strange, like he’s only doing it because I told him I couldn’t stay in a sexless relationship. I’m going along with it, I agreed it’s been nice but should we really sit down and talk properly?

OP it sounds like it’s just normal stresses from baby and losing his job. I wouldn’t read too much into it but just focus on being affectionate with eachother without pressure. It will come back. My husband and I never sext eachother, it’s “please get milk”. I don’t think that’s particularly common in long term relationships where couples live together.

Yes but it's a problem if he's sexting OTHER women, isn't it!?