DH doesn't know if he loves me but booked a holiday

[Pigsmayflyagain]

Dh has announced he is unhappy in our relationship and doesn't know if he can be happy with me. We have older children who have semi left home and 2 school age. I'm upset but I think even that annoys him that I'm reacting badly to this news.

He has booked a holiday for us and younger children in the summer holidays and I am feeling confused. Is this a test? Is he trying? Or is it an excuse to say he tried by even booking a holiday but that didnt work so he can leave guilt free having "done his best"?

Anyone with any experience? Is this another red flag for following the script / OW / he's checked out.

I think it's very rare a man leaves without lining up some kind of single life or OW first but if this is the case why bother with the holiday.

Sorry this has just happened in the last few days and so I'm a bit mixed up

Surely he can tell you why he's unhappy?
If he can't give you a sensible/coherent answer then I'd be looking for another woman.

You don't have to go on the holiday if you don't want to.

Relationships are worth the heartache anymore

If there's an OW lurking (and this does sound like The script) he may be trying to trigger you into a 'pick me dance'.

My advice ( as someone who's been through this) is don't go on the holiday (and go somewhere else solo if you don't want to be at home) and step back and watch.
I'd also use the time to get Ducks in a Row just so you're prepared.

A read of this may help

https://www.chumplady.com/the-pick-me-dance/The ‘Pick Me’ Dance - ChumpLady.com

I'm also suspiciously wondering whether he wants to flaunt this holiday to his OW to push HER into action by making her see 'what she could be missing'. Make himself look more attractive, in other words, by taking himself off with his family... They can be weird creatures, men.

I wouldn't agree to a holiday. Send him with the kids, and spend the time he's away getting yourself sorted. He's got one foot out of the door already and he's likely to come back from the holiday saying that it's decided him that your marriage is over (whether you go or not, he's already decided this and the holiday is just his 'look how hard I'm trying').

Thanks for the replies and advice. Yes there is an OW to some extent. I think I shocked him when he said he was leaving and I said ok and didnt stop him. Now I have no idea what will happen with the holiday. He's already told the youngest about the holiday so he's excited, the teenager says theres no way hes going as hes aware and quite angey at DH. So much sadness and disappointment 😞

I’m so sorry to hear this. Unfortunately there is always an ow.

It’s textbook behaviour unfortunately. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Can you go on the holiday without him? I presume he has now left?

Sorry your fears were confirmed regarding there being an OW.

I would knock the holiday on the head now, it doesn't sound like it would be great for anyone if your children are feeling upset too.

Instead spend the time working on your future - are you separating?

No I would not go, nor force the teenager go.
Tell him to take the youngest on his own.
Sounds like you are being manipulated.