Relationship struggling after baby

[pinkflower223]

Hi there, I just wanted advice me and my partner had a baby 3 months ago, i am self employed so am recieving maternity allowance for the time being and he works however i saved a lot during pregnancy to support me and baby, we have been together for 6 years however only moved in with eachother when i fell pregnant, pregnancy wasn’t great he wouldn’t really acknowledge the baby whatsoever or me in fact he could barely bring himself to be around me, I had hoped once the adjustment hit once baby was born things would be different however they are not, he spends most nights out fixing his car at his unit and don’t get me wrong sometimes he will take our baby but it’s like he doesn’t want to be around us as a family, we don’t spend weekends together we do separate things as he “doesn’t want to waste his life away sat inside” he talks to me absolutely terribly, I understand he works however we split all bills 50/50 so it’s not like he’s the “provider” and he doesn’t understand how hard being a parent is 24/7 I do all the night shifts when he’s home I’m the one having to wash up after him and cook his food or make sure the baby is fed and changed, I don’t know what I can do to fix this? Or if there is any fixing things, we fall out constantly and he isn’t very understanding, I feel like I’m trying everything to make it work so we can have a family unit but he’s never home and when he is, he isn’t doing much to help, is this just the reality of the first year post baby? Am I being to hasty?

pregnancy wasn’t great he wouldn’t really acknowledge the baby whatsoever or me in fact he could barely bring himself to be around me, I had hoped once the adjustment hit once baby was born things would be different

well that was optimistic

He was a pig before pregnancy I suspect
he was a pig during pregnancy
and now’s he’s a pig to you and, sadly, a child

he won’t change op.

First thing

stop being a bloody martyr and cooking his food etc.

you don’t HAVE to do this. You are choosing to

Pregnancy was a bad reason to move in with someone who doesn't want to be a parent. You thought he would change and that didn't happen. Stop doing anything for him if you're paying half the bills.

Move out, to family if necessary. File for child maintenance and get a custody order. He doesn't want to be a family.

No this is not at all normal reality post-baby. I'm sorry OP, but it sounds like he does not actually want to be in a relationship with you or to be a father to your child. He clearly isn't interested in having a family. It sounds as if he is abusive to you as well. You can't make him want this, or make him treat you well. This relationship is not a healthy environment for your child to grow up in.

I don’t know what I can do to fix this?

It's not your job to fix it. HE is the parent in this picture. It's his job to fix it.

As PP said above, stop taking take of him. Why on earth should you?

All in all though, he doesn't want to be a parent. That is VERY clear. Get rid of him and claim CMS. I understand this is devastating, but you can't change him. Nothing about this is normal postpartum challenges.

Sorry OP but no, this is not the norm when you have a baby. Your partner should be caring, protective and understanding during your pregnancy and when you have a new baby to look after. My DH was very involved in caring for our babies and delighted in playing with, bathing and cuddling them. He also did the cooking, washing and general household stuff while I was recovering from the birth, establishing breastfeeding and getting up at night. Your partner sounds very uninvolved and uninterested really. You and your baby deserve better. You also say he talks to you terribly - this is totally unacceptable and I really think you should leave before he grinds you down even further.

Stop cooking his food, washing his clothes etc.

I suspect he's staying with you because you are domestically convenient. He seems to resent that you have had a baby which is why he doesn't want to even look at you.

I don't think your relationship has legs. Sorry. Time to make alternative living arrangements.

No, it's not normal within the first year after having a baby. Your partner wasn't particularly interested during your pregnancy and isn't any more interested now your baby is here. I'm sorry to say that your partner has checked out of your relationship and he's not interested in being a Dad to your baby either. There's nothing to fix, because you don't have a relationship left. He's there out of convenience, after all you're paying half the bills, and he has someone to cook, clean and do the laundry. Depending on your housing situation, I would be making plans to move out and claim for child support from him.