Do you pick up calls from your family in front of your spouse?

[fateisdestined2025]

My sister doesn’t. She says it better to keep it quiet as he asks a lot of questions afterwards and she has to explain a lot. I personally think it’s none of his business and she should answer calls.

Yes, I do. But there shouldn’t be any expectation to do so.

What does she mean by “a lot of questions”?

So is he taking an interest or being intrusive there is a difference your sister knows him best,

To answer the question I answer the phone to family I might move to another room.if the tv is on or the dog is barking.

I always pick up to family in front of my DH. I will usually move into another room though so I can have a proper chat and DH can carry on watching TV or whatever. He also does the same with his family and then we just give each other a quick catch up after the conversation. Unless it's one of our DCs who want to chat to us both so they go on speaker or video call with us both.

It is her choice, she doesn't want to, so she is NBU

Yeah I do, never an issue. What kind of questions? What is does she not want to tell him as well?

Of course I do.

Yeah, always.

But, if my mum phones, nine times out of 10, it’s an accident anyway.

I answer calls when it's convenient and/or I want to talk. It makes no difference whether my partner's there. I'd always go into another room to have a long conversation though. Not because my partner would ask questions, but just because I think it's rude to sit there yakking on while someone else is having to listen to you.

I would explore this more with your sister to determine the level and nature of questioning. It may all be completely friendly and innocent but it could indicate a deep level of intrusion into her life which is tied up with attempting to control and isolate her.

Yes I would answer calls from family, whether DH was there or not. Is your sister in a controlling relationship?

Only if I think it'll disturb him. No point having a conversation on the phone if he's trying to watch a film. It would also annoy me if he sat chatting away while I was doing something else.

No problem with him overhearing, when our parents were alive they would usually ask to have a word with the other of us as well. With the girls though it's usually their dad they want.

Yes but probably would walk away to hear properly

My phone is always on silent so if I'm with someone else (DP or other) I probably won't notice if someone's ringing. If I do, and if it's convenient to answer (ie, not in the middle of an actual conversation), I'll go into another room to talk because it's extremely rude to make people around you listen to half a conversation that doesn't involve them.

Is he just like this with phone calls when it is a family member of hers, or does he do it with other calls too? Agree with others who said to try and find out what she means by him questioning her. She could be in a controlling relationship.

Yes

Marry me, marry my family.
All four siblings of us.

I’d happily pick up in front of DH but tend to go into another room so he can carry on with what he was doing without having to listen to one half of a conversation. The idea of him asking lots of questions after is hilarious - I usually get a ‘Is your mum/DSis ok?’ which I think is him being polite and showing an interest for my benefit. Believe you me the last thing he wants is a blow by blow account of whatever DM has spent the last hour or so telling me!

My family doesn’t call me. Wouldn’t even know my phone number. 😂

Dh doesn’t like talking on the phone in front of anyone. Doesn’t matter who is calling, his mum, school saying to come pick up a sick child, Bob who sells him welding supplies. He takes them all outside. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But it’s not healthy and normal to avoid talking on the phone because you think you’ll get interrogated, no. I probably wouldn’t randomly answer to have a chat if I was with someone else though. I would just talk to them another time when I wasn’t busy.

It sounds like an unhealthy controlling dynamic.
If the DH is genuinely interested and has a good relationship with her family, and wants to be involved for good reasons - really ‘part of the family’, then the solution to avoid having to go through the conversation afterwards would be to stay in the room and put the speaker on the phone so he can join in.

But it doesn’t sound like that’s at all the case, if she’s not even answering the phone with his knowledge.
She is NBU to do what she does, although probably she should question why and if she’s generally walking on eggshells around him.
He is BU to grill her - asking ‘all ok? or whatever and letting her share as much or as little as she wants about the call would be more normal.

I can’t tell whether the issue is with the DP being nosey about her calls or the OP annoyed that her sister doesn’t pick up immediately when she (the OP) calls.

Yes of course. It’s usually just my mum prattling on about something. Or it might be plans about meeting up and want to double check that do doesn’t have plans or ok with what’s going on.