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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Best friend advice

13 replies

UniqueOpalSwan · 06/08/2025 11:47

Please can I ask some advice to check if I’m going mad or overthinking !
my friend and I were very close, did lots of stuff together and a new friend to them has come into the picture. She has managed to push out all other mutual friends who have just said not playing games and left the friendship group and I still keep in touch with them, but my friend doesn’t and thinks it’s all them and not her! I am single these are the friends are married so the fact that they have left the friendship group really doesn’t matter to them but to me I am feeling the hurt of the following scenario incredibly badly. So in simple terms, my friend has stopped asking me to do things with them saying they are too busy with work but frequently they are posting pictures on Facebook of being out with this other girl. Often at expensive events when they’re trying to tell me they can’t go out because they’ve got no money. I have tackled them about it and they say they don’t intend to make me feel left out and they throw back in my face that we went on holiday together so that was a big thing and they wouldn’t have gone on holiday with me if they didn’t want to be my friend However every time I see one of these Facebook posts it literally makes me feel sick. The trouble is how many times can I tell them how I feel other people say ignore it and come across as the fun person but I am someone that really needs to say what I’m thinking and I’m getting to the stage where a shot of banging their head against the wall I can’t make them realise What they’re doing to me. Please tell me if I should continue with this friendship or just cut my losses and just block them.

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Suednymph · 06/08/2025 12:32

This who they and them is so hard to read if it is a she say she if not say he, much easier.

If this is a female friend then my god you are intense. She can be friends with whomever she wants and as for it HURTING you to see her out with someone else that is seriously unhealthy.

If it is a he and you fancy him and he is hanging out with/seeing another woman then cut your loses, he is not that into you.

UniqueOpalSwan · 06/08/2025 12:57

Sorry for not typing clearly, it’s a she ! I guess for me the reason I’m coming across intense is that it was the two of us that would always go out for dinner cinema et cetera and now I’m not invited. And to see every second day on Facebook, it does upset me. Even to the extent that my birthday present was a day trip to a spa and my friend is saying they have no money to now book this day trip and they don’t have the time but they are managing to make the time for these other events. If you think that is intense, then I’m happy to take that on the chin, hence why I posted for advice. I was just struggling with my own personal feelings.

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Suednymph · 06/08/2025 13:10

Maybe she just isnt that keen on being friends anymore? I dont know people are strange. That said i have an acquaintance that bombards me with messages if she sees i have been out with my friends (friends spanning decades before i met her to point out) and actually tries to guilt trip me into seeing her. Thing is i dont class her as a friend just an acquaintance and she has decided i am her best friend bizarely but I just do not really enjoy her company. I guess if you haev been friends for a long time with this girl it is different though.

UniqueOpalSwan · 06/08/2025 13:48

It’s sad because every day she sends me Memes and things, but I feel that’s the way of keeping me close but not too close!

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ThirdStorm · 06/08/2025 14:02

Maybe hide her notifications on facebook as what you don't know can't hurt you. You will drive yourself to distraction with facebook if you let it.

Sadly friendships can stop and start and it can feel hurtful at the time but I think you will just have to accept something has changed. She knows where you are. maybe busy yourself with other things and other people. I had a friend who started to make excuses to decline every one of my suggested meet ups, I don't even know if she realised she was doing it so I stopped trying. I suspect she blames our now distant relationship on me but I have to try not to worry about that and move on.

BMW6 · 06/08/2025 14:10

I'd block them both. They're being bitches, they know it and don't GAF about your hurt feelings.

Recover your dignity and walk away from them.

UniqueOpalSwan · 06/08/2025 14:13

Thank you, I’m currently sat here crying because I thought I would take the bold step of suggesting going out to dinner and my message got read but unanswered! I literally don’t know what I’ve done wrong and I think I’m a person that likes closure, so I am heartbroken

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BMW6 · 06/08/2025 14:32

Then no need to say anymore, their silence is deafening.

Just block both and if you ever bump into one or both just be polite but distant.

UniqueOpalSwan · 06/08/2025 23:27

Thank you all, I feel ashamed and foolish ! Scared to block but know I should,

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Absolutelydonewithit · 07/08/2025 04:18

I wouldn’t block them, it doesn’t have to be so dramatic and final. That won’t make you feel any better. It sounds like the old friend is dazzled by the new friend. Hurtful but there is nothing you can do. Sometimes people don’t look after the reliable old friends as well as they should. She is just not thinking what effect this is having on you and someone who is not mindful of your feelings isn’t your friend. So make yourself less available. Start looking elsewhere socially and work on other friendships. It’s so upsetting but take a deep breath and move on. Good luck x

NewDogOwner · 07/08/2025 07:29

Blocking them will make you look mental. Just mentally move on. Sorry, OP. It must hurt.

NewDogOwner · 07/08/2025 07:29

I think you can 'mute' them on social media so you don't see their fun times together.

UniqueOpalSwan · 07/08/2025 19:46

I’ve done it, I’ve muted ! Fighting the urge to look but would people think it’s strange that I asked to chat and got closure ?

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