Is he jealous?

[WhycantBarryswim]

I see my older DS at most 4 times per year as he lives away, he was recently here which I was very excited about. However, my DH's (not his dad) always manages to put a damper on things, for example if i'm having a laugh with DS and other kids particularly if it's about stuff we've done in the past pre DH he will shut down or even just wander off into another room, never any attempt to join in or ask questions about what they're talking about. He makes minimal effort with DS and I know he finds him opinionated (he is but i just let it go over my head whereas DH takes it all very literal and even personal). I feel that I can't enjoy the rare time that I see DS without it impacting on DH's mood and the inevitable atmosphere.

DH sounds insufferable. Do you want to stay in this relationship?

I would prioritize spending time with your child one-on-one. Four times a year is not a lot, so why entertain this behaviour, as it takes away from the time between you and your child? Personally, I would not entertain that behaviour from a child, let alone a partner.

Why are you with this sulking fragile ego emotionally manipulative excuse for a man?

Get him away from your children.

Is your DH an otherwise decent bloke? If he is, I'd just try to live with it, and hope it gets better over time. You could maybe manipulate your DH into spending time alone with DS, so that they form a bond.

Having said that, maybe the other posters are right. I mean, we all know all men are bastards. It's up to you.

@Eric1964 Yes he's generally a decent guy, can be very daft but also has a VERY serious side. It's almost like he won't let me DS see the silly fun side of him he has to keep him at arms length. I've suggested that they go to the pub together but not happened yet. I'm going with the ignore it and crack on with DS regardless atm.

All men are not bastards. Men who manipulate an atmosphere with jealous behaviour and try to get between a mother and her son are not men who mothers should be in relationship with.

His behaviour is unacceptable. Forcing some kind of weird pub boys trip? How would you like to be sent to the pub with your mums boyfriend who behaves like a complete cunt to everyone when you visit? If the DC have any wits about them they'll leave the situation asap.

Your dh sounds like a dick. Either see your ds without him or get rid of him. Honestly causing an atmosphere like that is a spiteful and abuse thing to do.

Ltb

Had a stepdad like this and always blamed my mum for exposing me to him

@WhycantBarryswim He might be jealous. It's not exactly a praiseworthy emotion but it is a fairly normal part of family life. Them spending time together might help.