Strippers and Strip Clubs

[agh20678]

My partner is going on a stag do and I've seen messages on their group chat that they're thinking about arranging a party bus to pick them up from the airport. The party bus includes a 15 minute fully nude strip dance. I'm really not happy about it, I think a strip club is one thing but a private nude strip dance for him and his friends is another. What's your opinions?

Absolutely no way. It's not a thing my husband and his group were ever into or wanting to do anyway thankfully

I mean, I don't have a jealous streak.

Ive asked before if they're planning on going to a strip club and I told him my views. He said "he's not going to be the only one to not go if all of his mates are going" which I kind of understand but I really don't want him going on this bus, I haven't mentioned anything about the bus as he doesn't know I know they're planning it- I really need to bring it up. My worry is that the bus is their means of transport from the airport to their accommodation, he'll need to arrange his own transport and I feel he will make an excuse out of this to go on the bus. It sounds ridiculous but this is my first experience of something like this and I feel so uncomfortable !

"he's not going to be the only one to not go if all of his mates are going"

How immature. Hes not yet grown up enough for a relationship if hes putting his mates first

I would tell him how you feel. But if he hasn't mentioned it and hasn't already declined then that may suggest he is absolutely fine with it. I would have a problem being with a partner who thought its was absolutely fine or didn't want to stand up to friends/change friendships/sit out.

My husband has declined these stag dos over the years. He has since found more like minded friends. The old friends have never grown out of this disgusting behaviour, they also lie and cheat on their partners and cover up for eachother.

I equally would turn down this kind of hen do and would distance myself from those that think this is OK or "entertainment" in no other situation is this seen as acceptable in monogamous relationships I don't see why some hen/stags have this bizarre archaic rituals included.

Well you know where you are in his priorities then op. Strippers and friends are ranked higher than you.
You deserve a lot better. As a previous poster has said he isn't mature enough for a relationship.

He’d be my ex partner.

His need to fit in with his mates and desire to demean women is more important than your viewpoint. And thus is just the start of this weekend.

Yep, he’d be in my rear view mirror.

A stag do is not an excuse for this.

My DH has been to the strippers in the past (he openly told me about it) but not since we’ve been together (we live in the Middle East and met here - not the same opportunity 😆) but he acknowledges that had we lived in the UK then it may have been different. Anyway it doesn’t bother me but I just asked him (based on the comment from another poster above) if he would struggle with me having a naked lap dance from a buff male stranger and he admitted he would. Hilarious. Caused a whole apology (that I didn’t ask for or need) and a promise that he would never go again. Anyway just sharing because if he’s not ok with you going then you shouldn’t cut him any slack

I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think this will be the only stripper-related experience on the trip. I can't imagine these guys saying "alright lads, we all love strippers, so we've booked a stripper for the coach right at the start, and then we'll spend the rest of the trip touring some medieval architecture and visiting a selection of juice bars." Most of the stripper activity takes place late in the evening once the guys are drunk enough to hand over lots of money.

As always, whenever anyone asks questions about strippers etc, other people's views aren't really going to be especially helpful to you, because it's a completely personal thing. Only you know what you are/aren't comfortable with.

If this was my partner, my issue wouldn't really be that he was going to see some tits on a coach because someone else had booked a stripper for a stag do. My issue would be that he was the sort of person who hung out with the naffest, most cliched lads-lads-lads type of men imaginable, which I'd find incredibly off-putting. It would render him instantly unattractive to me.

Hard no from me. My DH can choose between me and the stripper.

I wouldn't be with a man who thought this was ok

This basically. This is the start of probably much worse. I’d dump if he does through with it. And that is not an abstract exaggeration;100%.

Imagine being that woman who has to do that on a bus full of letchy half cut blokes. I feel sad for her. I doubt she would be doing it out of choice

Wow I had no idea, how sleazy!

its up to the stag what goes on. I’d turn a blind eye and go out with your mates!

Really!?

OP you are absolutely entitled to feel this way and I would have a convo and address it. There are ways to find excuses to avoid going if your partner wanted to save face.

As a victim of SA, anything like this is triggering so I have absolutely no tolerance for strip clubs, prostitutes, porn etc. If my partner chose to take part or go, then it would say a lot about the person he is.

And yes, it is cheating, under the guise of boys will be boys….

And btw whats good for the goose is goodfor the gander. I would be tempted if he pushed back to arrange something that would make him feel equally uncomfortable - not saying a stripper but certainly a “girls will be girls” weekend, Amsterdam maybe? tell him when he gets back you are going, and see if he still thinks its ok then…

To the guy who posted around choosing not to go and being ok with how that was perceived - thank you for sharing that. For us women its hard to believe there are still good guys out there.

No, I'd hate it. There's no way you could be sure that these women hadn't been trafficked.

I split up and moved out over a similar proposal from an ex. Well, that and his pawn addiction. I don’t think he went anyway in the end. A lovely trip to Riga to tour all the strip bars. The groom came back covered in bruises having had the crap kicked out of him and all his money stolen - just as I said he would because it’s well known for it. I was actually quite disappointed the ex didn’t go after hearing that.

Yes, and I'd want proof of the vehicle's last MOT as well.

🙄

This is worse than a strip club on so many levels. Is there anyone there taking care of the woman? Could anyone stop her having to perf sexual acts?

What happened in the end @agh20678 ?