Confused and worried

[Owlgirl1987]

Me and my husband have been together for 19 years - married for 14. We have a 11 year old son together. Have been through alot together- major things being found out in 2023 that he had been having an affair - we decided to stay together and had marriage counselling.
Some days are good, some days aren't great.
It has really affected me.
The main thing I am worried about is intimacy- this hardly ever happens anymore. He has never been the most romantic or affectionate person - this isn't a new thing, this is throughout the whole relationship.
But sex life/ intimacy has drastically reduced recently and if I ask him why, he says he is tired or stressed from work and doesn't feel up to it.
A couple of times recently he has struggled to get an election or looses in during. This makes me think its to do with me and how he feels about me.
I just dont know what to do

What are you both doing, actively, to reconcile from the affair? What did you do back then and what are you doing now? It doesn’t sound as if enough work was put in.

Did you both decide to stay together? Did you both actively want to? What was the reason for staying together?

What does he say about the affair? Why it happened? Genuinely remorseful? What efforts is he/are you both putting in? What has changed positively?

Don't feel the need to answer these questions here but it might he helpful to consider them.

Eg genuine remorse, the relationship still being loving and a genuine commitment to finding your way back together is very different to familiarity, ease, comfort and not wanting to break up the family. But both can be motivations.