Sucked back in by ex?

[Clmt95]

I am currently co parenting a 15 month old with my narcissistic ex.

Long story short, since he left and started a secret relationship with my so called best friend under my nose whilst I was still pregnant (they have since split up), he has not really had much interest in me.

Fast forward a year, I met someone new and he suddenly starts making inappropriate comments/ flirting/ texting to check in etc, even after me and new guy ended things.

He suggested we take our son for a day out together, as its nice for him to see his parents getting along. I agreed. The next week he invites me to his mums birthday, which I agreed to go to as I had to drop my son there anyway. We ended up having sex. I knew he was playing some kind of game but I was curious. Then the next week we did the day out with our son.

Since that day out, he has been warmish and cold. Apart from when I went out one night and he had our son overnight, he kept sending random updates and texts. My responses were slow and minimal as I was out.

Now, since yesterday he has gone totally minimum contact, if any, and strictly about our son. One word answers, even when I let him know he fell over and bruised his head, his reply was 'bloody hell that looks awful'. No follow up. No asking what happened. He said he would call our son today on facetime as he does sometimes, but didnt. I let him know that i'd rather he didnt tell our son he will call and then not follow through and he said 'o ur right'.

I know this man put me through absolute hell, but why am I STILL affected by him?
Why am I still so annoyed by this hot and cold?

I dont get sad anymore, I still get on with my life but he is constantly on my mind and I dont even want him.

He is a good dad to our son, despite his mum doing a lot of the heavy responsibility when he has him (cooking, tidying, washing etc).

What is the game and how do I end it?

Everytime I go low contact he becomes friendly and I cant help but reciprocate as we have to do this for years to come.

This is called 'hoovering' and its what they do when they have no one else, or are scared you might actually escape. Your job now is to not get sucked back in. You are co-parenting with this man, you are not starting a new relationship. Keep things on the subject of parenting, refuse to discuss anything else with him, especially not your plans or who else you talk to or are seeing.

Google about hoovering, dealing with narcissists and 'yellow rock'; which is about how to talk to narcissists when you cannot go no contact with them. The goal is to be bland and uninteresting, and give them no information even when they ask you directly. You can't stop it because you can't control their behaviour, only yours.

I know all of this but I find it near impossible to stick with it. Its absolutely crazy its honestly insanity

The trick is to have some responses ready so you don't have to make up something on the spot. There will be a pattern to how he does it, you could go back through old messages and see what triggers you, and how you could have handled it differently. Also practice being non committal when you are not talking to them, try it with strangers at the bus stop.

"He is a good dad to our son, despite his mum doing a lot of the heavy responsibility when he has him (cooking, tidying, washing etc)."

He is NOT a good dad to your son, he is a good fun uncle to your son.
How can he be a good father when he manipulates you?