Just that really. We had a very rough patch last winter where he invested emotionally in another woman and other people in general. It wasn't an affair but it was inappropriate and very hurtful as I was dealing with a hugely painful event at the time.
After a lot of therapy on both sides, primarily his and lots of learning about communication and unlearning of unhealthy family dynamics, things got much better and I tentatively learned to trust him again.
Then he was suddenly made redundant in June and since then it's been very up and down. He was saying yes to various commitments whilst not doing his fair share at home and supporting others emotionally while I was left to take care of everyone and evening else. Then the intimacy stopped. We haven't had sex for almost a month now, he says his libido has gone. He's struggling very much with not being at work although he has just secured a great new job that starts in a few weeks time.
Slowly, over the past six weeks I've noticed a distance between us. The lack of intimacy obviously hasn't helped but it's not just that. I feel he has no patience for me anymore. He seems totally fed up with me. If I say anything he takes it in the worst possible way. It feels like from his side he views me as a huge chore, he finds talking about any of the above really hard and often just shuts down.
Ive asked him a few times now if he just isn't in love with me or attracted to me anymore and he insists this isn't the case but I feel this odd feeling that it has. I am neurodiverse which can make it harder to pinpoint feelings and also I think makes me perhaps more vulnerable as I tend to take things at face value.
If we were to split, I have far more to lose than he does and his new salary is double mine but I do have a small inheritance which I was considering using to pay off our home loan.
I've kind of used intimacy as a way to know that we're okay if that makes sense and now it's gone I feel lost. I know losing his job has really effected him, he refers to himself as useless and unemployed and it seems to have affected how he views himself as a man too but I can't help but feel it's me.
Ive stated to feel really rubbish about myself. Physically because he isn't interested in me and emotionally/mentally questioning everything I say, feeling guilty if I ask for more help or try to address these issues. I then feel frightened to tell him this in case it's the push he needs to be honest.
I don't know what I'm asking for really. I just need an outside perspective.