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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend in emotionally abusive relationship

2 replies

parker06 · 05/08/2025 09:55

Hello. My best friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship and I'm really struggling with how to help. I'm going through my own divorce atm and any time I try to offer advice she will say it's because I'm bitter or jealous. Her husband has cheated on her before and has blamed her for it. She's happy to blame herself. She has very little self esteem which he always criticizes and blames her for little things. He gaslights her alot. He always puts himself first and she is left running around trying to fix things. He's the perfect gentleman is front of me and their family. He is away atm on a work trip but spends his time out drinking and hanging out with women and doesn't care that she gets upset about this. He's happy to tell her what's hes up to but this upsets her further although she says he's honest at least. She stopped talking t me for a while the last time I mentioned it and I've told her I will stay out of her love life but I get so worried. How can I help her? Thank you for any advice

OP posts:
FamBae · 05/08/2025 10:02

If he's the perfect gentleman on front of you, then you can only know these things if your friend has told you what's happening; if she's offloading to you, then she knows deep down this isn't a healthy relationship. I think if I were you I would continue to let her unload without comment and if she asks why your quiet just remind her that your honest feedback upsets her, but that you love her and want her to know that you will always be there for her.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 06/08/2025 14:54

Can you do anything to help boost her self-esteem? For example, ask her to join you doing park run, suggest counselling, buy her a self help book, ask if she wants to join you on a retreat. I would avoid criticising her relationship as unless she's prepared to listen, she's probably in denial and it can isolate her further.

The way I would approach it is to say you're on a self development trip and ask if she can attend things with you.

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