Is it ok for DH to shout at me?

[Chatsworthduck]

Any disagreement or attempt to reason with DH escalates into him shouting at me, I’m not sure if this is normal or not ok? I don’t know how to tell him I’m not happy with something without this happening. He says he hates my attitude and that if I disagree with him, he’ll leave, so of course I tell him he’s right.

For example I’m not happy that I’ve got up in the night for the past 3 nights with our DS, we both work full time and I’m also pregnant. But when I asked DH to do a turn he said he didn’t like my attitude and shouted at me for ages about how I always expect the worst of him. Is this normal? I know it sounds ridiculous but I really don’t know any more.

No. I have been married for 35 years. We're not perfect, but my husband has never shouted at me.

Totally unacceptable behaviour. He should be supporting you at this time. Doesn't bode well for the future.

It works for him, it means he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to.
He sounds like a controlling bully. His own mum is scared of him. How is that going to work for your children?

In 20 years neither me or DP have ever shouted at each other.

No, it's not normal.

No he sounds horrible, abusive and like someone you should work to get away from.

“He says he hates my attitude and that if I disagree with him, he’ll leave, so of course I tell him he’s right.”

He is just a bully and I can’t see why you want him to stay

@Chatsworthduck

Jeez! No, this is not normal, what could possibly make you think it is. You must be under an horrendous amount of stress given your circumstances and probably worn down into thinking it must be you. Be clear, it is not you
He is abusive, you're in an abusive relationship. Find some way to get out but absolutely do not tell him about any intention to do so, that would escalate his behaviour and could be dangerous to you and your children. Get in touch with Women's Aid and seek advice for how you can leave safely. DO NOT TELL HIM about it, even if you are sorely tempted!

You aren't trying to gaslight him, @Chatsworthduck - it's not gaslighting if he is a nasty, abusive person!

I lived like this. It was awful. I would never do so again.

Of course it's not ok for him to shout at you. Your partner should treat you with love and respect and be able to have a difference of opinion without shouting. If I were you, next time he threatens to leave tell him you agree and think he should leave. You really don't want your children growing up in a household where their father thinks it's ok to shout at their mother. You deserve to live in peace, not tiptoeing around an aggressive bully.

So youre teying to have a normal conversation with him to ask if ge can take on equal night get ups. Then hes deflecting the conversation and turning it into an argument so nothing gets resolved and he doesnt have to get up

No it is not normal or acceptable in any way, and he is abusing you (& your dc) by shouting at you and refusing to let you have any kind of opinion that differs from his.