Would you let the person you're dating sleep over?

[Gotnosleep]

I have a toddler who is in bed asleep by 7/7:30 and sleeps through til 7/8am. Would you allow the person you've been seeing to come over in the evening when they're in bed?

Would you allow him to sleep over?

We've been on about 8 dates and he's slept over while my child hasn't been home and I've slept over at his.

Just want opinions

No, just no

How did you verify the guys?

Sorry but I wouldn’t.
Of course you want to date and have a life for yourself away from your kid, that’s normal, but I’d be conducting my relationship/sex life separately until it got more serious.
A friend was puzzled when our other friend was seeing a guy for a year and her kids from her first marriage hadn’t met him. She just couldn’t understand why she’d keep him a secret. I totally understood and really respected her for it. And it was the right decision as the broke up 18 months in and the dc were nonethewiser as they hadn’t even known he existed.
Different situation and different risks but I wouldn’t want a man I didn’t know very well in the same house as my sleeping toddler.

In a few more months of knowing him I might consider doing the evening date at home after little one was asleep. And if they should wake for any reason bf would be downstairs and you could go up. But a big no to staying over. I think it would be quite scary for the child if they woke up in the night and an unknown man was in your bedroom.. Or even in the morning, unsettling for them.

That’s a bit weird. Why would you stay with someone for 4 years you don’t trust around your children?

I actually misread the op and it is staying overnight. I didn't let the guys I was saying stay over just entertained them downstairs in the sitting room. I wouldn't have had anyone staying over after 8 dates no.

Yeah I realised I'd misread the op and it's then sleeping over, I wouldn't have done that and didn't ever do that, it was just them watching telly and a bit of snogging downstairs in the sitting room. I mean verified in that you know who they are, have checked where they live their work etc through so you know they are who they say they are basically

Absolutely not!! What if your child needed you in the night. 8 dates way too soon! Poor child would be so confused to some random adult in their house.

Don’t start treating the Op as if she was an irresponsible mother, she is thinking things through and has asked for advice.

OP, are this 8 dates in 2 weeks or 8 dates in 3 months? that makes a big difference as I suppose you would have been talking extensively on the phone between the dates.

The bottom line is that no rule applies in terms of when it is a good time to have a new partner around the kids, some relationships are ready for that sooner, some never would be and for some others it would be a mistake to start overnight stays too soon… or too late. Every couple is different but, I think you are currently in a perfect position: You can have a honeymoon when your kids are with his dad, and a wonderful time catching up with them when they are not.

Keeping things separate for as long as possible allows you to be a nice, relaxed girlfriend to your new man and a dedicated happy mother able to give the kids one-to-one attention they need when they have time on their own with you.

And remember, whatever people say… men are a lot of work so, keeping a bit of distance helps you to keep the relationship interesting and cope with the demands of being a single parent by not caring 24/7 for another person yet.

@GrandmasCat lol, you just pulled that out of your arse.

Thank you, so eloquent of you 🤣

I would reply in kind but my manners do not allow me to.