I’ve been married for almost 25 years and we have three boys — 22, 19, and 16. Over the past few years, the marriage has felt more like a flatmate arrangement. There’s no intimacy, no real connection, and honestly, I’ve been mostly unhappy. Alcohol has always been a problem for him, and it came to a head recently when my dad died six weeks ago. My husband got absolutely drunk for the two days he was there, made a scene, and embarrassed himself. Since then, he hasn’t had a drink — but to me, the damage is already done.
We barely spend time together and the relationship feels empty. Then, out of the blue, an ex-boyfriend I haven’t seen in 30 years got in touch. We dated for a year and a half in London when we were both 24, but I had to leave due to visa issues and we lost touch — this was pre-social media, and mobiles, so we had no real way of staying connected.
He was visiting here last week and reached out. We spent two nights out a bar together — just talking — and it was incredible. He told me I was the love of his life and asked if I’d consider moving to the UK to be with him. He also asked to kiss me, but I said no. He’s still married too, though his situation sounds quite similar to mine.
It felt like no time had passed, like we just picked up where we left off. I’ve always felt he was the one that got away — and now it turns out he’s felt the same all these years.
Nothing can happen right now — my youngest needs to finish school and his final exams at the end of next year. But after that… should I go? Should I leave this life behind and move to the UK to see what could be? It feels crazy, but it also feels right. I’m torn. Any thoughts? He’s very successful so (hopefully) isn’t after my money. Not that I’ll have much, but will be financially independent if and when I leave husband. He has two grown up children.