I don’t think I’m fanciable anymore

[justaccup]

Im 50 and divorced. I’m sociable, kind, outgoing and despite my flaws, think I’m a good egg. I’m a mother and a full time working professional. My exh has no interest in our kids so they live with me 24/7 and two have mild/ mid SN.
I think I’m relatively ok looking. Friends and family have called me very attractive but that’s probably because I’m smiley and I like to look well and make an effort everyday. Im
groomed and we’ll dressed. I’m also 1.5 stone overweight but started wegovy a few months ago so am two stone less than I was. My health, energy and appearance have improved due to this. I’m about 5’7.
But… no one fancies me anymore . I do t ever get chatted to by a man on an odd night out . Some glance or look my way but never chat or make the effort . I’m smiley and chatty so it’s not that I am a miserable looking person making no effort.
This makes me sad as I’d dearly like a partner in the future.
I’ve done masses of therapy and life coaching after being cruelly cheated and lied to for years and essentially being an absolute doormat for my exh and99% of the time am very positive and optimistic about life .
Where am I going wrong here ?

Honestly, as an elderly lady (me) to a muddled aged (you) lady, your only mistake is to think that having a partner is so very desirable above everything else. This is your time, you can do anything you want. Build your life now exactly to suit you and enjoy living it.

if any potential partners come along, consider how they might fit to your brilliant life. Meanwhile, enjoy.

Thank you. I agree deep down, but I'm
just feeling it this morning .

Whether you get chatted up on a night out doesn’t give you any information on how attractive you’d be to someone you met on a blind date or through a social activity or after being introduced by friends.

I see that point but I think I’m just feeling delicate this man ending after yet another rare night out where no one attempted to chat

I have to ask the obvious question - are you approaching guys that you find attractive, or are you also just giving them a glance or a look but no chat or effort?

The only way to meet more people is to meet more people! Start conversations with strangers, arrange drinks/lunchtime walk/monthly pub lunch with colleagues and maybe they’ll bring other colleagues, join groups/classes, chat to people you meet while doing things you enjoy and suggest walking together/a drink afterwards/sitting together for lunch.

A previous comment is also correct though - build a happy life without a partner and then if a potential one comes along assess carefully whether/how they can enhance what you already have. I think looking for someone to build a life with is maybe what we did as 20-somethings, but at 50-something that doesn’t apply any more. You have to build the life you want and it’s a bonus if you meet a partner that compliments the life you’ve already built.

I'm loving "muddled aged". As someone who's theoretically "young elderly" but still mentally resisting the onset of middle age, I think I may adopt it.

(No useful advice for the OP, sorry, except that I'm sure you're lovely and if you let it be known that you're single and open to a relationship you'll get as much interest as you need.)

I might get ripped for saying this.
But maybe a lot of men do like you but dont know if they are allowed to approach you.
Due to being blamed for unwanted contact.
I mean they only have to say hello now and they are call creaps perverts etc.
So i do get why some men dont bother making a move.

But i do think the you will meet someone in time.

As a man, I’d have to say that sometimes - depending on the social situation - it can feel intimidating to start a conversation when you don’t know someone’s relationship status: Especially as we get older I’m certainly conscious of being labelled as a dirty old man! I’ve joined a few singles hiking groups where it’s easier to start conversations: No blossoming romance, but I’ve gained some nice days out and a couple of good friends.
Most importantly, keep smiling - and don’t doubt your own worth or attractiveness, if you think of yourself as undesirable it’s easy to fall into the trap of settling for less than you want and deserve.

I'm a bit older than you & single. I do sometimes think I would like to meet someone & feel that I wouldn't be attractive to a man now.
But then I think about the implications of a new relationship at this age & start to wonder if it is really what I want.
I wouldn't want to live with anyone again, I don't want to share finances, I don't want to make decisions based on someone else's life/commitments, I don't want to get involved with another man's kids but I wouldn't want to be with a child less man either in case he didn't get my kids always being my priority.
That leaves me in fwb territory but not sure I want that either!
I then realise that being single does have it's advantages even though the world does seem to be built around couples & young families.

I don't think you're going wrong anywhere. You sound lovely. Perhaps men think you are already taken.