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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Turning into friends

8 replies

Mumthathikes · 03/08/2025 22:49

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and feel things have gone a little flat. I know relationships involve work, but I just feel maybe we’ve ran our course now.
definitely the past 6 months the intimacy has dried up and I feel it’s only when I say comments like ‘we are more like mates’ that’s when something will be instigated.
tbh, I don’t even try to instigate anything in the bedroom anymore because now I’m actually not bothered myself.
It makes it even more difficult because my boyfriend is a really nice guy, but he’s always struggled emotionally connecting with me and has felt a lot of the time I’m putting all the work in and getting the bare minimum back.
we have such a great time together planning things etc, but if I’m being truly honest with myself those things I could either do alone or with friends.
when I bring anything like this up, he is totally shocked and doesn’t understand what I mean.
he’s never had a relationship over 5 years and now I know why.
I feel so bad, but I’m not sure I feel fully fulfilled anymore.
i kind of feel we are at the do or die stage. We don’t really plan for the future in terms on moving in together etc and I’m just wondering where it’s even going. I’m very much a person who feels if things aren’t working then what’s the point.
Do I express my feelings and concerns (without sounding like a broken record again)
or just call it a day?

OP posts:
OneNeatBlueOrca · 03/08/2025 22:52

How old are you both

Mumthathikes · 03/08/2025 22:58

40/50 😭

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 03/08/2025 23:36

Sounds like it’s run it’s course

Bittenonce · 04/08/2025 09:16

If the relationship isn’t really bringing you anything - hmmm maybe it’s time. You’re too young to give up on intimacy: there’s a Chinese saying along the lines ‘At 30, a woman is hungry like a wolf- at 40, hungry like a tiger’. You shouldn’t starve your tiger. And if you split now, there’s probably more chance you can still be friends, rather than staying and letting things fester until that’s not possible. Good luck!

TheFatCatSatOnTheMat · 04/08/2025 09:29

If you’ve been together for 4 years and haven’t moved in together I think that says it all (unless it’s due to children and dynamics).

Justchilling07 · 04/08/2025 10:27

Bittenonce · 04/08/2025 09:16

If the relationship isn’t really bringing you anything - hmmm maybe it’s time. You’re too young to give up on intimacy: there’s a Chinese saying along the lines ‘At 30, a woman is hungry like a wolf- at 40, hungry like a tiger’. You shouldn’t starve your tiger. And if you split now, there’s probably more chance you can still be friends, rather than staying and letting things fester until that’s not possible. Good luck!

I really like that Chinese saying, makes real sense.
Really good advice.

Mumthathikes · 04/08/2025 13:54

Love that advice!
I was an abusive relationship for many years and hated any kind of intimacy. Now I feel like I’m in my prime and very much hungry for intimacy.

OP posts:
Mumthathikes · 04/08/2025 14:00

Neither us were ready really, but kind of feel the relationship is just coasting along now. The easy life. Comfortable. Routine. 🥴

OP posts:
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