Should I break up, deep back story

[Loz19901]

Ive been with my partner 4 years. We own a house and dog together. I have a daughter aged 16 from a previous marriage, and I’m 34 he’s 27.

In the 4 years we have been together I’ve had a diagnosis of bipolar and BPD, and now a settled court case from an episode of mania. Hard and testing times but came through it. Last year we made the heartbreaking choice to terminate a pregnancy (please don’t judge) as I was too unwell. He chose this as he said he wasn’t ready and I couldn’t do it alone. We spoke about having a family and marriage, and due to the hard period his plan to propose a year 3 didn’t happen. It’s coming upto year 4 and I gave myself a timeline (I’m 34 and wanted stuff for myself) after a very difficult past. I’ve communicated this with him. I wanted to be engaged by year 3 and a child after. I agree for now I need to work on my mental health so have chose to have the contraceptive coil for 5 years. I asked him openly if he planned a proposal any time soon and he said not year 4, and that he wanted to do it ‘his way’ as it’s the only time he plans to do it. And that’s that. There is no plans for children in the near future.

My question is this.. I have my wants and dreams and each year nothing happens. All his friends are starting to get married, and have children. He doesn’t see the rush as me. I feel like because of my diagnosis and things I’m not a catch to marry and settle with. He said this isn’t the case. I’m working on my meds atm and myself. I’m not sure how long I can continue to feel like this will never happen. The choices or no children and marriage are his alone. He knows I have massive hopes for this but still won’t do it.

So you had a child of 12 when you got together, you were 31 and he was just 23.
If this age difference were the other way round, posters would be telling a young woman of 27 to run for the hills if the man involved was mid-30’s.
You have had a lot going on in your own world. You have had some significant health issues but want to be engaged by year 3 and married by year 4.
That would be a lot for a very mature man of 27, but I’m sorry, most young men of that age just about cope with starting out on a life’s journey with someone of similar age and circumstances.
Please don’t think I’m having a go at you because I’m not. You’ve had a daughter at just 18, I bet you that’s been a rewarding experience for you. You have clearly gone through an awful lot with your mental health and terminating a pregnancy, as well as the court case.
But feels to me like marriage and a baby would be like a sticking plaster and a bit of an escape. You both need some stability in your life for a while. I understand because you are 34 your clock is ticking, but there is still time to have things on an even keel for a while.
At 27, he hasn’t proposed yet because he doesn’t want any more change. He will feel apprehensive, there is a lot stacked against a marriage working.
Edited to add: you are very much allowed your own hopes and dreams. You are allowed to want to get married and build a future with someone, but as this young man is dragging his heels, you’d be better off with someone who has more life experience than him.

Please OP I mean this kindly but you’ve started numerous threads about your unhealthy relationship. You will get exactly the same advice that you’ve ignored on all of the previous ones

You know this isn’t working for anyone - rather than keep tying yourself in knots, please do what you know needs to bd done and end this. You’re not happy and you’ll be back again starting thread after thread until this is done